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...except in a real race

by haxrox

$19.00 + free shipping
Limit 15 per customer
  • Standard - Estimated delivery Dec 23 - Dec 25
  • Express - Estimated delivery Dec 20
  • Free Express shipping for Prime members

Is It Ironic That This Shirt Came In Third?

3rd place in Derby #43: Slogans, with 386 votes!

For some reason, everyone who tells the story of The Tortoise And The Hare ends it with “because slow and steady wins the race” instead of the more accurate moral, “when you’re comfortably in the lead don’t be an idiot and take breaks to allow the guy behind you to catch up.”

If you really look at it, that’s really what the story is about. It’s like a fairy tale version of Oliver Stone’s Wall Street. You think Donald Trump would say “Oh, I’m so far ahead, I think I’ll take a nap for a few hours”? You think Michael Jordan would say “Wow, I should stop for dinner at the halfway point instead of just eating after the race with my team the way we planned last night”? You can talk about persistence all you want, but face it, “slow and steady” is never going to help you beat that nine foot tall Kenyan dude who has a stride the size of two Danny DeVitos.

This shirt was designed by: haxrox, who drew each letter by hand onto a parchment template, then transferred the template to woodcuts, which he then filled with ink and pressed onto a different sheet of parchment. After allowing it to try, he transfered it to canvas and shipped the final product to a team of thirteen monks that began the process of hand-lettering each shirt. Dude, just download OpenOffice, it’s free.

Wear this shirt: around your pet turtles. Remind ‘em who’s in charge. An uppity turtle is a problem waiting to happen.

Don’t wear this shirt: when you’re a high schooler going to meet a girl’s father before her very first date ever. Take it from us old folks, sometimes “slow and steady” keeps you from being shot in the face.

This shirt tells the world: “I really prefer the story of The Fox And The Grapes.”

We call this color: Philip Grass. No music says “slow and steady” quite like his does.

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Our graphic tees are made for all those days (see every day) that you need to get shirt done! Our professionally printed t-shirts are produced in-house to create an experience you will never forget.

Seriously, our t-shirts have been a graphic tee loving enthusiast's favorite since 2007. Our t-shirt designs are created by the best artists in the industry. We know that the combination of our t-shirts, exclusive design selection, world-class artists, and quality production, makes people smile.

Sizing Chart:

Please check our sizing chart before you order.

Classic T-Shirt Fit:

This shirt is made for those of you that like a looser fitting shirt (classic seemed appropriate)! This t-shirt is made from the finest ring spun cotton to make you look Woot-astic!

  • Standard fit (slightly boxy t-shirt, a little loose)
  • Fiber Content: 4.5 oz/yd 100% Combed ring spun cotton
  • Manufactured In: Honduras
  • Printed In: Carrollton, Texas, USA

Fitted T-Shirt Fit:

Our fitted t-shirts are made for those times when you want to feel slimmer — or when you want to go out on the town — or just because you like fitted shirts 'cause you're slim and stuff. This t-shirt is made from the finest ring spun cotton to make you look fit-astic (get it?)!

  • Fitted T-Shirt fit (narrower shoulder and body)
  • Fiber Content: 4.2 oz/yd 100% Combed ring spun cotton
  • Manufactured In: USA, Central America, Vietnam or Bangladesh
  • Printed In: Carrollton, Texas, USA


Sales Stats

Speed to First Woot:
59m 47.000s
First Sucker:
Last Wooter to Woot:

Purchaser Experience

  • 0% first woot
  • 93% second woot
  • 7% < 10 woots
  • 0% < 25 woots
  • 0% ≥ 25 woots

Purchaser Seniority

  • 6% joined today
  • 1% one week old
  • 3% one month old
  • 40% one year old
  • 49% > one year old

Quantity Breakdown

  • 93% bought 1
  • 6% bought 2
  • 1% bought 3 or more

Percentage of Sales Per Hour

12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11

Percentage of Sales Per Day

Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun

Woots by State

zero wooters wootinglots of wooters wooting

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...except in a real race by haxrox
$19.00 In Stock Apparel & Accessories
$19.00 USD false 1 Retail EA
1 15
Woot! Shirt.Woot
4121 International Pkwy Carollton TX 75007 U.S.A.