Is It Ironic That This Shirt Came In Third?
3rd place in Derby #43: Slogans, with 386 votes!
For some reason, everyone who tells the story of The Tortoise And The Hare ends it with “because slow and steady wins the race” instead of the more accurate moral, “when you’re comfortably in the lead don’t be an idiot and take breaks to allow the guy behind you to catch up.”
If you really look at it, that’s really what the story is about. It’s like a fairy tale version of Oliver Stone’s Wall Street. You think Donald Trump would say “Oh, I’m so far ahead, I think I’ll take a nap for a few hours”? You think Michael Jordan would say “Wow, I should stop for dinner at the halfway point instead of just eating after the race with my team the way we planned last night”? You can talk about persistence all you want, but face it, “slow and steady” is never going to help you beat that nine foot tall Kenyan dude who has a stride the size of two Danny DeVitos.
This shirt was designed by: haxrox, who drew each letter by hand onto a parchment template, then transferred the template to woodcuts, which he then filled with ink and pressed onto a different sheet of parchment. After allowing it to try, he transfered it to canvas and shipped the final product to a team of thirteen monks that began the process of hand-lettering each shirt. Dude, just download OpenOffice, it’s free.
Wear this shirt: around your pet turtles. Remind ‘em who’s in charge. An uppity turtle is a problem waiting to happen.
Don’t wear this shirt: when you’re a high schooler going to meet a girl’s father before her very first date ever. Take it from us old folks, sometimes “slow and steady” keeps you from being shot in the face.
This shirt tells the world: “I really prefer the story of The Fox And The Grapes.”
We call this color: Philip Grass. No music says “slow and steady” quite like his does.
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