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...except in a real race

by haxrox

$19.00 + free shipping
Grass
Tee
Limit 15 per customer
  • Standard - Estimated delivery Sep 27 - Sep 28
  • Express - Estimated delivery Sep 25
  • Free Express shipping for Prime members

Is It Ironic That This Shirt Came In Third?

3rd place in Derby #43: Slogans, with 386 votes!

For some reason, everyone who tells the story of The Tortoise And The Hare ends it with “because slow and steady wins the race” instead of the more accurate moral, “when you’re comfortably in the lead don’t be an idiot and take breaks to allow the guy behind you to catch up.”

If you really look at it, that’s really what the story is about. It’s like a fairy tale version of Oliver Stone’s Wall Street. You think Donald Trump would say “Oh, I’m so far ahead, I think I’ll take a nap for a few hours”? You think Michael Jordan would say “Wow, I should stop for dinner at the halfway point instead of just eating after the race with my team the way we planned last night”? You can talk about persistence all you want, but face it, “slow and steady” is never going to help you beat that nine foot tall Kenyan dude who has a stride the size of two Danny DeVitos.

This shirt was designed by: haxrox, who drew each letter by hand onto a parchment template, then transferred the template to woodcuts, which he then filled with ink and pressed onto a different sheet of parchment. After allowing it to try, he transfered it to canvas and shipped the final product to a team of thirteen monks that began the process of hand-lettering each shirt. Dude, just download OpenOffice, it’s free.

Wear this shirt: around your pet turtles. Remind ‘em who’s in charge. An uppity turtle is a problem waiting to happen.

Don’t wear this shirt: when you’re a high schooler going to meet a girl’s father before her very first date ever. Take it from us old folks, sometimes “slow and steady” keeps you from being shot in the face.

This shirt tells the world: “I really prefer the story of The Fox And The Grapes.”

We call this color: Philip Grass. No music says “slow and steady” quite like his does.

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Features

Our graphic tees are made for every day that you need to get shirt done! Seriously, our t-shirts have been a graphic tee loving enthusiast's favorite since 2007. Our shirts are printed in the USA and every time you buy a shirt, one of our talented artists gets paid!

T-Shirts

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Women’s V-Necks

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Tank Tops

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Long Sleeves

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Pullover Hoodies

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Crewneck Sweatshirts

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Zip Hoodies

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Raglans

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Specs

Sales Stats

Speed to First Woot:
59m 47.000s

Purchaser Experience

  • 0% first woot
  • 93% second woot
  • 7% < 10 woots
  • 0% < 25 woots
  • 0% ≥ 25 woots

Purchaser Seniority

  • 6% joined today
  • 1% one week old
  • 3% one month old
  • 40% one year old
  • 49% > one year old

Quantity Breakdown

  • 93% bought 1
  • 6% bought 2
  • 1% bought 3 or more

Percentage of Sales Per Hour

16%
7%
4%
2%
1%
1%
2%
4%
6%
6%
6%
5%
5%
4%
4%
4%
3%
2%
2%
3%
3%
3%
4%
3%
12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11

Percentage of Sales Per Day

3%
3%
4%
2%
2%
2%
83%
Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun

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...except in a real race by haxrox
$19.00 In Stock Apparel & Accessories
$19.00 USD false 1 Retail EA
1 15
Woot! Shirt.Woot
4121 International Pkwy Carollton TX 75007 U.S.A.