2nd place in Derby #63: Art as Text, with 745 votes!
Please don’t take this the wrong way. Because we really do think the technique on this shirt is wonderful. Look at those abominations rising from unhallowed ground down there at the bottom, they look fantastic. We couldn’t draw that. If this was a title page from some old E.C. Comic we’d be stuffing it in our back pocket and riding our bikes around so that we could show our friends. It looks great, we’re really pleased about how this shirt turned out. We couldn’t be happier.
But, well, we don’t want to be rude. We know, you guys just really like your zombies. And there’s nothing wrong with that by itself. Zombies are fun. But they keep coming. And keep coming. Yeah, we know, zombies do that, ha ha ha, very cute, but someone has to write zombie jokes each time they appear. And that someone is us. And we’re running out of them.
So, please, consider another monster. Werewolves are underrated, you know. And no one is doing golems these days. Wouldn’t a hard-working golem look just great on a nice orange shirt? We’ve got three paragraphs on a golem we’re just dying to use! Help us out, huh?
This shirt was designed by: a shambling monster that struggles to hide his face from the world that shuns him even as he searches for revenge against the fiend that trapped him within a living death, a carcass desperate for the eternal rest now denied him, a horror that bears no name, but who mankind once knew as… dsladek.
Wear this shirt: to the all you can eat Wednesday night pizza and pasta buffet. Shuffle a bit every time you go back. But don’t shuffle too much. Those roofers will get all the pizza if you take too long. Stupid roofers.
Don’t wear this shirt: to a double feature screening of The Sound Of Music and Mary Poppins. Everyone will think you are in the wrong theater and you’ll be known as “the guy who got lost in the movie theater” and a label like that can stay with you for a long, long time.
This shirt tells the world: We’re not really sure, but we know for a fact it ends in “aaaaaaains”.
We call this color: Oh, Hey Asphalt. We Were Expecting You, Glad You Could Stop By. Hey, Make Yourself At Home Over There On The Couch. How You Been, Anyway? Let Me Get These Drinks And WHAM! WHAM!! HAHAHA! YOU DIDN’T EXPECT THAT SHOVEL TO THE HEAD, DID YOU, ASPHALT? AND NOW YOU’RE DEAD! YOU’RE DEAD AND YOU WON’T EVER COME BACK TO BOTHER US AGAIN! HAHAHAHA! TAKE THAT ASPHALT! TAKE THA… No! No, It’s Not Possible! No, Asphalt! No! You’re Dead! You’re Dead! Stay Back, No! No! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
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