And Our Umber Got Totally Burnt
1st place in Derby #94: Air, with 1213 votes!
GREIGEVILLE - Residents are still reeling from the multichromatic devastation unleashed here by a tornado of color early Friday morning.
an F5 on the intensity scale, the tornado descended upon the taupe and
cream streets with it a garishly vivid horror rarely seen in the area.
“This has always been a nice, neutral-toned kind of town,” said local egg farmer Buff Ecru, 57. “I’d never even heard of ‘cyan’.
“I wish to hell I still hadn’t.”
town’s main street, Ivory Boulevard, was virtually unrecognizable in
the wake of the storm, its pale storefront facades a brilliant chaos of
color. A handwritten sign posted Friday on a popular local restaurant,
the Clamshell, read CLOSED FOR DECOLORIZATION.
At this point, nobody can say exactly when the Clamshell will resume
serving its signature vanilla-and-marshmallow milkshakes. But residents
had larger worries.
“The Elks Hall is magenta,” Ecru
continued, clearly shaken. “Think about that: magenta. Who ever heard
of a magenta elk? It’s wrong.”
City officials vowed to
begin cleanup immediately and salvage as much of the town’s historic
drabness as possible. But whatever happens, one thing is certain: life
here will never look the same again.
Wear this shirt: to reassure everybody in the basement with you that tornadoes can be fun.
Don’t wear this shirt: and try to make jokes about how you’re a colored person.
This shirt tells the world: “Cy-y-y-yan…over you…”
We call this color: White Is Too A Color
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