Hello! We at the Vatican are glad you’ve decided to exercise your demons. The following pamphlet will assist you as you begin the hard but fulfilling duties of the exercisist.
Please remember at all times that demons are slovenly and conniving, and will attempt to talk you into canceling class early or bringing jelly donuts. Just like with telemarketers and collection agencies, it is important you do not consent at any time. Rather, turn their question about on them, perhaps with a metaphor implying that within every bigger demon, a smaller demon resides. Note: do your homework regarding your clients. Certain big demons actually do have small demons residing within, and would likely find that metaphor unhelpful.
To begin the ritual, be sure you have a wide open space inscribed with a sanctified circle in which the demons will be standing. Then, write the following incantation on the Holy Chalkboard: Free Class: 2pm. Additionally, take steps to be sure that you are actually free at 2pm. If you do not have a Holy Chalkboard one can be purchased at the Vatican Gift Shop for a small fee.
As the demons arrive, remember to get their true names in order to create a proper mailing list. Also the demons must be sorted by skill level, not age or size. This will ensure a more efficient exercise session. When the session is ended, be sure to dismiss the demons without breaking the circle, and remember to invite them to the more advanced class on Tuesday night which only costs five dollars. Please be sure that this class is taught by an old priest and a young priest.
Wear this shirt: when you attempt to better the devil you know.
Don’t wear this shirt: while eating pea soup. It might spill.
This shirt tells the world: “Two more! Gimmie two more! The power of Christ compels you!”
We call this color: Always Be Sure To Stretch Properly So You Don’t Hurt Your Black