1st place in Derby #106: Double-Take Derby 6, with 886 votes!
They all have names. They all have special powers. You can use each one in different situations, and even wrestle them if you want. There’s a rigid hierarchy about who is good against what. You can go to the store and buy the official guide. And they’ve been strangely popular since the very first time they were mentioned. What? No, we’re not talking about Pokemon. We’re talking about angels.
Baby Cherubs from Limbo, Warrior Archangels with flaming swords, four dudes at the cardinal points that are considered to be the most ultra-rare: let’s be honest, Christendom, you’re sitting on a gold mine. All you need is a few Japanese designers and some plot about a futuristic altar boy who’s been possessed by the friendly spirit of St. John the Baptist and you’ve got a franchise that can’t lose with the youth market. Seriously, check this out: The first living creature was like a lion, the second was like an ox, the third had a face like a man, the fourth was like a flying eagle. Each of the four living creatures had six wings and was covered with eyes all around, even under his wings. That’s Revelation 4:7, yo, and kids today are all over that kind of thing! All it would take is a few limited edition trading cards and a video game tie-in and then, in no time at all, you’ll have an entire generation of college kids who know by heart that Uriel shoots thunder and Sixtus II is weak against metal.
We’re telling you, churches of the world, you’re missing out on a great opportunity.
Wear this shirt: when you feel unsafe. You can wear another shirt over it if you want. Just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not there. Just like that other great power guiding our destiny from on high. You know, evolution.
Don’t wear this shirt: if you’re a guy named Jean-Paul that’s just taken a job to replace a guy named Bruce who’s out on sick leave.
This shirt tells the world: “If you’re all that, why doesn’t your name end in -el?”
We call this color: On August 7th, 1945, Harry S Truman Was On The USS Augusta Making The Official Announcement Regarding The Use Of The First Atomic Bomb And Opening Up The Atomic Age, Which Means Everything About This Shirt Is Well Timed, Including The Color, Which Is Navy.
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