No sailor wants to face the cat
Aye, lads, ‘tis true. Weird beasties dwell beneath these waves. Take it from me; I know. Sure’n I’ve but one eye in me skull, but it’s seen plenty. Why, once I caught a glimpse of a fish-headed mermaid! Can ye imagine? From the waist down, she had the standard fish-tail, like ye’d expect—but then she had a fish body from the waist up, too! I mean, mermaids are already a pretty rare sight. But to see one with a fish torso and head? Ye probably won’t see her like even if ye sail a hundred lifetimes.
Ah, but strange as she were, she weren’t nearly so strange as the deep-sea kitties said to haunt these waters. They calls ‘em the Katten! Ye’re right to fear these ferocious marine felines, lads. I’ve heard from old tars who swear a Katten is big as schooners, fast as the wind, and playful as a baby with a set of car keys. If a Katten takes a whim to, she’ll bat a ship to matchsticks just for the pleasure of it. ‘Tis a horrible way to go, bein’ toyed with for hours ‘til ye’re too battered to be interestin’ to her.
They say ye almost never hear one comin’ until it’s upon ye. Then it’s too late. The one exception, o’course, is the Katten they call “Miss Chesterton”—a particularly cruel shorthair to whom the crew of the Zephyr managed to affix their ship’s bell before she killed them all and left them on Davy Jones’s porch, atop Davy Jones’s galoshes. ‘Tis a gesture that grosses Davy Jones out, but he understands it’s meant as a show of affection.
Aye, they say Miss Chesterton favors this very latitude. And she’s known to prowl for ships when the skies are calm, just like tonight, lads. Your only hope, if y’hear her approaching, is to rustle a paper bag loud as ye can. The noise sometimes spooks her. But enough prattle. Listen, will ye? See if y’hear her bell a-janglin’ as she stalks ye…
Wear this shirt: in the water, it’s fine. Not all cats hate it.
Don’t wear this shirt: in the company of sea dogs, lest ye be chased.
This shirt tells the world: “Here be kyttens.”
We call this color: Asphalt-Water Creature
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