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Mr. Lincoln

by Alex Solis

$19.00 + free shipping
Limit 15 per customer
  • Standard - Estimated delivery Oct 24 - Oct 26
  • Express - Estimated delivery Oct 23
  • Free Express shipping for Prime members

Life in the 1830s was hard.

You think Teddy Roosevelt was tough? You ain’t seen nothin’.

Distinguished members of Mrs. Gisburne’s Fourth Grade History Class, I present to you a portrait of Abraham Lincoln unlike any you have ever seen, due to the “lamestream media.”

Born of a tryst between a beggar woman and Thor, Lincoln grew up in the wilds of Indiana and Illinois. As a boy he was unaware of his fantastic heritage, but the only thing he was ever aware of was the insatiable bloodlust coursing through every vein, muscle, and fibrous sinew of his being.

He traveled the country, killing any man who dared stand in his way and feasting on the burning remains of any town that opposed him. Upon finding man an unsuitable opponent to fully exert himself, Lincoln began turning his sights to bears, which he wrestled; eagles, which he leapt up and snatched from the sky, and alligators, which he would drown.

Eventually, drunk on power, Lincoln commandeered the entire US Government, seeking to extend the reach of his brutal totalitarianism across the globe. He immediately ordered the pillaging of the secessionist South, and is said to have cackled maniacally while Atlanta burned.

Luckily one brave man had the fortitude to stand before this megalomaniacal tyrant, and John Wilkes Booth saved the American people from an eternity of darkness under the iron-fisted rule of “Enraged Abe.”

The End. Report by Layton Wilkes Booth, Age 9.

Wear this shirt: To your community theatre’s portrayal of Our American Cousin. What’s the worst that could happen?

Don’t wear this shirt: Anywhere near George Washington. That guy doesn’t mess around.

This shirt tells the world: “Aaaabe Lincoln! I got a Lincoln Log! Aaaabe Lincoln! I like to feed the hogs! Aaaabe Lincoln! I got a Lincoln Log! Aaaabe Lincoln! I’m on a penny!”

We call this color: Asphaltinated (Too soon?)

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Our graphic tees are made for all those days (see every day) that you need to get shirt done! Our professionally printed t-shirts are produced in-house to create an experience you will never forget.

Seriously, our t-shirts have been a graphic tee loving enthusiast's favorite since 2007. Our t-shirt designs are created by the best artists in the industry. We know that the combination of our t-shirts, exclusive design selection, world-class artists, and quality production, makes people smile.

Sizing Chart:

Please check our sizing chart before you order.

Classic T-Shirt Fit:

This shirt is made for those of you that like a looser fitting shirt (classic seemed appropriate)! This t-shirt is made from the finest ring spun cotton to make you look Woot-astic!

  • Standard fit (slightly boxy t-shirt, a little loose)
  • Fiber Content: 4.5 oz/yd 100% Combed ring spun cotton
  • Manufactured In: Honduras
  • Printed In: Carrollton, Texas, USA

Fitted T-Shirt Fit:

Our fitted t-shirts are made for those times when you want to feel slimmer — or when you want to go out on the town — or just because you like fitted shirts 'cause you're slim and stuff. This t-shirt is made from the finest ring spun cotton to make you look fit-astic (get it?)!

  • Fitted T-Shirt fit (narrower shoulder and body)
  • Fiber Content: 4.2 oz/yd 100% Combed ring spun cotton
  • Manufactured In: USA, Central America, Vietnam or Bangladesh
  • Printed In: Carrollton, Texas, USA


Sales Stats

Speed to First Woot:
0m 54.000s
First Sucker:
Last Wooter to Woot:

Purchaser Experience

  • 0% first woot
  • 97% second woot
  • 3% < 10 woots
  • 0% < 25 woots
  • 0% ≥ 25 woots

Purchaser Seniority

  • 15% joined today
  • 1% one week old
  • 4% one month old
  • 25% one year old
  • 55% > one year old

Quantity Breakdown

  • 97% bought 1
  • 3% bought 2
  • 0% bought 3 or more

Percentage of Sales Per Hour

12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11

Percentage of Sales Per Day

Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun

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Mr. Lincoln by Alex Solis
$19.00 In Stock Apparel & Accessories
$19.00 USD false 1 Retail EA
1 15
Woot! Shirt.Woot
4121 International Pkwy Carollton TX 75007 U.S.A.