All hands on deck! Leviathan spotted off the port bow!
“Finally, we meet this dreaded bea- Wait. That’s it? It’s kind of cute.”
Mr. Hemley! Have the men ready their harpoons! And go twice at them on the rigging; I’ve seen this monster snap lines thicker’n your arm.
“Aye cap’n! DOUBLE THE RIGGING, BOYS! WE’RE BRINGING HOME A BEAST!”
You’ll need to hit the base of its bulk if your spears are to hit true, Mr. Hemley. The tentacles writhe too quickly to subdue and the head is mostly a gas-filled sac for buoyancy. Get to the meat of the monster!
“Aye, cap’n. Uh, cap’n? A word, if I may?”
What is it, Mr. Hemley? Time is of the utmost importance!
“Well, sir, it’s the men-”
Spit it out, Mr. Hemley!
“The men aren’t sure why we’re killing such an adorable creature of the sea, cap’n. They say it may bring misfortune upon the boat. Perhaps you could inspire them with your story of the horrors you’ve witnessed this monster render?”
There’s no time for that now! We’ve nearly closed in on the leviathan!
“LOOK OUT, IT’S TURNING TO FACE US!”
“IT’S…IS IT SMILING?”
“Sir, the men are having some doubts. Perhaps just a brief synopsis of the terrible atrocities rendered by this unassuming, but certainly brutal and dangerous if you say so, sea beast?”
Fine, you lily-livered curs! I’ll tell you the tale, if you must know!
“Give us a reason and we’ll bury our harpoons clean and true in its cursed flesh, cap’n!”
It’s for perfumes and cosmetics! The oil in that hellbeast’s skin will help ladies’ skin stay smooth and wrinkle-free for weeks! We’ve got a contract to fulfill, now get to harpoonin’!
Wear this shirt: While playing in the bath tub.
Don’t wear this shirt: On a deep sea voyage. You’re going to get sea sick and throw up all over it.
This shirt tells the world: “You know those ‘release the kraken’ comics that took over the internet for like 30 seconds? I collect them all.”
We call this color: Navy have ye seen such a darling beast.
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