1st place in Derby #252: Three’s a Crowd, with 663 votes!
Beware the green-hatted monster
Look to your wife; observe her well with Luigi;
Wear your eye thus, not jealous nor secure:
I would not have your free and noble nature,
Out of self-bounty, be abused; look to’t:
I know our country disposition well;
In Venice they do let heaven see the pranks
They dare not show their husbands; their best conscience
Is not to leave’t undone, but keep’t unknown.
Why a-you so angry? Luigi a good friend. He make-a the juiciest meat-a-balls!
O, beware, my lord, of jealousy;
It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock
The meat it feeds on; that cuckold lives in bliss
Who, certain of his fate, loves not his wronger;
But, O, what damned minutes tells he o’er
Who dotes, yet doubts, suspects, yet strongly loves!
But Luigi a friend, brother, and plumbing business partner – why you so upset, eh? The other day I say “Luigi, what’s a-clogging the pipes?” and Luigi say “It’s-a turtle shell, Mario!” We laugh and laugh.
Poor and content is rich and rich enough,
But riches fineless is as poor as winter
To him that ever fears he shall be poor.
Good heaven, the souls of all my tribe defend
It’s-a me, Mario!
Wear this shirt: Inside out so you can see their faces.
Don’t wear this shirt: Around your brother whom you recently cuckolded.
This shirt tells the world: “I have a jaded view of love.”
We call this color: The grass changes when you play through the second time.
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