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Teddyslayer

by Marcelo Braga

$19.00 + free shipping
Black
Tee
Limit 15 per customer
  • Standard - Estimated delivery Apr 4 - Apr 6
  • Express - Estimated delivery Apr 1 - Apr 3
  • Standard International - Estimated delivery Apr 9 - Apr 11
  • Free Express shipping for Prime members

Flay With Me

It was the fifth straight month that I hadn’t made my numbers. I expected the worst. But when Bruce took me aside that day, he didn’t fire me.

“You know what your problem is, Don?” I didn’t. “You’re smothering your inner warrior. You’ve forgotten the thrill of the hunt, the intoxicating lure of fresh blood. Frankly, Don, you’re acting like a beta-male, at best. Happens to all of us sometimes. And when it does, we go on an Iron ShaMan of Fire retreat weekend, to get back in touch with our testicular birthright. Pack your bags. You leave Friday.”

And so I found myself around a campfire with twelve other men in need of masculine reinforcement. And I do mean found myself. The group leader, King Savage, explained that reclaiming our power-phallus started with appreciating the distinctive male musk: “You can’t really love yourself until you really smell yourself.” So we blindfolded ourselves and crawled around the fire sniffing each other. For the first time, I felt like I truly understood what it meant to stink like a man.

From there, it was a manly whirlwind of raw venison, drum circles, and poems about our fathers. King Savage encouraged us to throw off the feminizing, emasculating shackles of civilization and embody our totemic male archetype, be it Hercules, Gilgamesh, or Matt Lauer. Then, on the last day, we each had to capture a bear, skin it, and wear its skin like a chief’s mantle. Iron ShaMan of Fire, Inc. couldn’t get insurance for us to use real bears. But minor quibbles like that can’t stop a determined, powerful, wild male from dominating his dominion. So we used stuffed animals instead.

Wear this shirt: to terrify your other toys into submission.

Don’t wear this shirt: to your child-abuse trial.

This shirt tells the world: “I don’t take any crap from inanimate objects.”

We call this color: Boy, We Wish We Could Come Up With Something More Clever Than “Black Bear”.

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Features

Our graphic tees are made for every day that you need to get shirt done! Seriously, our t-shirts have been a graphic tee loving enthusiast's favorite since 2007. Our shirts are printed in the USA and every time you buy a shirt, one of our talented artists gets paid!

T-Shirts

For sizing info, care and fabric details click here.

Women’s V-Necks

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Tank Tops

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Long Sleeves

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Pullover Hoodies

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Crewneck Sweatshirts

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Zip Hoodies

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Raglans

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Specs

Sales Stats

Speed to First Woot:
0m 47.000s

Purchaser Experience

  • 0% first woot
  • 95% second woot
  • 5% < 10 woots
  • 0% < 25 woots
  • 0% ≥ 25 woots

Purchaser Seniority

  • 7% joined today
  • 3% one week old
  • 6% one month old
  • 41% one year old
  • 42% > one year old

Quantity Breakdown

  • 95% bought 1
  • 4% bought 2
  • 1% bought 3 or more

Percentage of Sales Per Hour

15%
5%
3%
2%
1%
2%
5%
6%
7%
6%
6%
5%
5%
3%
3%
3%
3%
3%
3%
3%
2%
3%
2%
3%
12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11

Percentage of Sales Per Day

1%
95%
1%
1%
1%
1%
1%
Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun

Woots by State

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Teddyslayer by Marcelo Braga
$19.00 In Stock Apparel & Accessories
$19.00 USD false 1 Retail EA
1 15
Woot! Shirt.Woot
4121 International Pkwy Carollton TX 75007 U.S.A.