3rd place in Derby #130: Nightmares, with 688 votes!
“So. Lord Deadlyslime. We meet again.”
“Ah, Professor Squishypaws. I should have expected you, I suppose. When did we last meet? Shanghai? Dubai?”
“Richmond, I believe. 1986. The Cheapo-Lodge off Highway 95.”
“Ah, yes. You were on vacation. I was in the dresser beside the television. How’s the family? Still sleeping well?””
“Evenly and well protected, Lord Deadlyslime. Did you notice that Marion has grown up? I belong to her daughter now. And I keep her safe, just as I once kept her mother safe.”
“Mmm. Well. I admit, tonight’s likely not my night. But I see your paw is beginning to tear, and your belly, though still disgustingly adorably fat and huggable, is showing wear and tear. Perhaps you’ll protect Marion’s daughter, but one day, her granddaughter will be mine.”
“Oh, that reminds me, we went to the toy store last week. Lord Deadlyslime, meet our new intern, Bunny Cuddleclaws.”
“HI HI HI HI HI HI HI HIIIIIIII”
“He seems so… hyper.”
“Yes, Lord Deadlyslime. He’s young, you see. But don’t you worry. He’ll grow up soon, and be around for a long time.”
“Mmm. Well, perhaps I’ll be off. There’s a Fangoria convention down the street that might be hiring. I’m thinking it might be time to look into a new line of work. Until we meet again, Professor Squishypaws.”
“Until then, Lord Deadlyslime. Until then.”
Wear this shirt: to bed. An extra layer of protection can’t hurt.
Don’t wear this shirt: if you’re actually a monster, unless you’re in some sort of monster punk band and trying to make a statement.
This shirt tells the world: “You’ll scare off more monsters with honey breath than you will with vinegar breath.”
We call this color: Black Bear-y
Back to top