3rd place in Derby #127: Renew, with 479 votes!
“Alright, alright, no need to rush in all at once. Let’s try to keep in a single file line, everyone. I realize being raised from the dead can be a bit disorienting at first, but let’s all try to make this trip to Valhalla as pleasant and as smooth as… Hold on. Who are you?”
“Me? Oh, uh, just another lucky soul chosen to fight alongside with the Aesir gods at Ragnarok, I suppose.”
“No, I mean, what’s your name?”
“Sven the what?”
“Sven the, uh, Normal? Er, Invincible, I meant. Sven the Invincible! That’s me.”
“Yes, well, I guess my parents were a little full of themselves when they thought up the name. Well, good talking with you. Off I go.”
“Wait a second. I don’t remember selecting you from out of the slain warriors of this battlefield.”
“Well, uh, that’s because you didn’t. The other one did.”
“Other one? Another Valkyrie, you say?”
“Um, yes. Looked a lot like you, I believe. Wings, spear, flowing hair, the whole bit. Gave me a good swift kick in the head and said, ‘Hey, dead man! Get up, you… noble person, and get in line!’ And seeing as how I’m holding up the line at present, I’ll just go on forward and…”
“But, I see not a drop of blood on you! What kind of warrior dies on the field of battle and has not one wound to show for his bravery? Show me your wound!”
“You mean, right here? I thought this was a family show, ma’am. I’d hate to drop my armor in front of everyone.”
“You… you were never dead, were you?”
“Ah, no. No, not so much.”
“And you’re not a warrior, are you?”
“I’m… afraid not. I am the stew cook, though, and when I saw you flying all around, choosing those who would go to Valhalla, I thought to myself, ‘You know, I’ve heard such wonderful things about that place and I bet Andhrimnir could use a hand in the kitchen what with all these new recruits coming in.’ So, I thought maybe I’d just pop in line with everyone else and, uh, see what happens.”
“Look, I’m afraid I can’t let you do that. You sort of have to dead and, well, noble. Cooking stew doesn’t cut it, quite frankly.”
“It’s a very noble stew, I assure you. Come on. How’s about letting one slip in just this once?”
Wear this shirt: while listening to Wagner.
Don’t wear this shirt: if you’re not a fan of singing winged women with spears and armor and AWESOME.
This shirt tells the world: “Valkyrie needs dead warriors badly.”
We call this color: Noble Necrosis Navy
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