Woot! - One Day, One Deal

When Knight Falls - $12.00

Wed, 16 May 2012 00:00:06 -0500

Things are not as they seem

Ah, well, hello my fine young lady. Methinks ye shouldn’t be this far from the castle.

Or mayhaps ye are not of the castle? I don’t believe that I’ve seen ye around much. And I’m pretty sure I’d remember a lady like ye, with thine almost doll-seeming face and thine ability to kind of just hover over chasms. So tell me, do ye belong to his majesty’s household?

Yes, you say? Well, I certainly don’t recognize thine voice. Such a low guttural tone for a young lady, and how it almost seems to rise up from the ground below me instead of from thine mouth. I do say, are ye one of those ventriloquists? Nay, says ye? Ye doesn’t know a single thing about puppetry? Ye thinks it’s silly for me to even bring up the subject? Fair enough!

Now what’s that? Ye would like me to dismount my horse and give ye a kiss? Why, it certainly is a bit forward, but I’d be a fool to pass up a chance to kiss a fine young lady like thine self! Even if ye does have a voice like a swamp monster!

Wear this shirt: under your suit armor to prevent chaffing!

Don’t wear this shirt: in place of your armor. It won’t work very well.

This shirt tells the world: “She might look prim and proper, but that don’t mean she ain’t freaky-wild underneath it all! Can I getta amen from alda fellas inda house??”

We call this color: pitch black subterranean monster lair.

Remember the Supreme Law of Online Apparel Shopping: check the sizing chart before you buy.

Design Placement: Centered

Design Size:
3X – S: 14.00” x 14.85”
WXL - WS: 11.00” x 11.60”
K12 - K4: 9.00” x 9.54”

Pantone Color(s): 7541C - 3385C - 3435C

Please check our sizing chart before you order. The Woot Tee follows a classic closer-fitting style. If you prefer a baggier look, order a larger size. If there is not a larger size, consider starting a belly-hanging-out trend.

Discuss this product

Price: $12.00

I want one!

Random Shirt

Tue, 15 May 2012 00:00:28 -0500

They didn’t cover this with the TED Talks.

Presenting the world’s first quantum t-shirt.

It’s not every day that a company changes the face of their industry, but we’re proud to announce we’ve achieved just that. Introducing the Quantum T-Shirt, made of pure, experimental, unstable cotton molecules. Each shirt will be shipped to you in a lead-sealed Woot box (in which it may or may not actually exist. You won’t know until you open it) and will adapt a completely random design pattern.

And until the government finds out and shuts the whole operation down, we’re even offering Kids’ sizes!

Are there side effects to exposing yourself and others to atomically unstable clothing? We sure didn’t bother finding out! We’ll leave that to you, loyal customers.

Wear this shirt: If its current nuclear structure allows you to.

Don’t wear this shirt: Over exposed skin.

This shirt tells the world: “TBD.”

We call this color: Who KNOWS what we’ll call this color?

Remember the Supreme Law of Online Apparel Shopping: check the sizing chart before you buy.

Discuss this product

Derby #250 (Board Games): Honorable Mentions

Mon, 14 May 2012 13:06:00 -0500

There's nothing we like more than staying in on a blustery Saturday afternoon to play some board games with friends. We're getting sick of Monopoly, so we asked for suggestions from you guys on new board game ideas. Here are our editors' faves from the submissions:

Cakes and Cubes

by Radscoolian

"You SWEAR there's going to be cake?"

Pandemic RISK

by wirdou

"Oooh you went on an airplane. Minus 50 immunity points."

One Number To Rule Them All

by patrickspens

I roll crits in my SLEEP, son!

Settlers of the Hive

by nathanwpyle

"DAMMIT DOES ANYONE HAVE ANYTHING BESIDES WAX AND HONEY?!"

words with fiends

by ApeLad

I don't think "YOUREAJERK" is a word, but- Oh, I see what you did.

I see dead people (Resub)

by Naolito

Mass marketed and produced by a giant game manufacturer, but sure. Probably a portal to hell.

A most civilized game of world domination

by ramyb

Oh, look. Kittens.

Settler Cats

by ochopika

Silly kitty. You should save the tuna and buy a development card.

The Game Is A-foot!

by Spiritgreen

We don't know how this game works, but we want to play it.

That's all for this week! We'll box these up and stuff them back in the closet until it's time to play again at the next Double-Take Derby. Until then, roll up a character and visit our current Derby to vote for your faves and see them print!

Day of Reckoning the Two Hundred and Forty Eighth

Mon, 14 May 2012 12:40:00 -0500

Hey, you. Yeah, you. Mr. Procrastinator. Yesterday was Mothers' Day. So, you probably should go make a call right about now. But hey, before you go, check out the Reckoning! Seven shirts just went into the crucible and at midnight tonight, will cease to be! Take a good long look and buy your fave because today's your last chance for:

Lucky at last
The Little Things
Save the Trees
Bring Back Pluto (noob)
A Warrior's Drink (noob)
Shadowplay (noob)
120 Stars (noob)

Dark Side of Oz Listening Party

Mon, 14 May 2012 00:00:20 -0500

Toto Eclipse

Delving into the lesser-known backward-album-feature-film pairings.

“Whaddaya want to do tonight?”

“I donno, any ideas?”

“You ever done the Capery Side Of Humperdinck?”

“What?”

“The Capery Side Of Humperdinck, hombre. It’s where you play Engelbert Humperdinck’s 1966 album Release Me backwards, and watch The Great Muppet Caper. ”

“Whoa. Sounds intense. What happens?”

“Everything syncs up, it’s nuts. Like, Miss Piggy’s fantasy synchronized swimming scene starts off with the key change in ‘There’s a Kind of Hush (All Over the World)’.”

“OK…”

“And Happiness Hotel’ is set to this off-putting rendition of ‘Walk Through This World’.”

“Crazy.”

“Yeah. And the craziest thing is how watching it makes you feel. It’s pretty far out.”

“What does it do?”

“It gives you like, the worst, most skull-splitting headache you can imagine.”

“Do you think Engelbert Humperdinck wrote the album to match up with the movie?”

“Naw, man. The Great Muppet Caper came out in 1981, 12 years after Release Me.”

“So how did it happen?”

“Well, IMHO, Jim Henson specifically wrote and directed the film to match the album. That’s why it’s so disjointed and oddly paced.”

“Whoa.”

“Yeah man. Think about it. Now, you want some ibuprofen before we start?”

Wear this shirt: backwards. It’ll blow your mind.

Don’t wear this shirt: around your mom—she may have a flashback.

This shirt tells the world: “There’s no place like Home / Home again.”

We all this color: Grass (really).

Remember the Supreme Law of Online Apparel Shopping: check the sizing chart before you buy.

Design Placement: Centered

Design Size:
3X – S: 15.07” x 12.10”
WXL - WS: 11.26” x 9.07”
K12 - K4: 9.00” x 7.25”

Pantone Color(s): Warm Grey 1C - 610C - 4985C - 7504C - 5497C - 431C - 426C

Discuss this product

Jukebox Heroes: Tees, Hoodies, Posters and More! It’s Music to Your Ears!

Mon, 14 May 2012 00:00:00 -0500

Turn your fashion up to 11! Shirt.Woot presents Jukebox Heroes, a sale with Tees, Hoodies, Posters and More! We're blasting some of our most musically-inspired designs for you to rock out with your credit card out. So check out the merch table; your money will help us get our van to the next town over for tomorrow's gig. Just be sure to hurry; the sale ends Sunday night at 11:59 central, and there will be no encores.

Death

Sun, 13 May 2012 00:00:12 -0500

HOW TO PLAY

3rd place in Derby #250: Board Games, with 628 votes!

1. Roll two six-sided di.

If your roll adds up to any number between 2 and 12, it means your character has died and cannot proceed around the game board.

2. Consider the math.

Yes, that is correct: it is mathematically impossible to achieve anything but death in the initial roll.

3. Seek a solution.

There is no solution. Your character is dead.

4. Draw parallels between game and real life.

You cannot escape death in the game. And so it is life, as well.

5. Give up on all of your dreams.

Self-explanatory.

Wear this shirt: to a funeral.

Don’t wear this shirt: to meet your friend’s new baby.

This shirt tells the world: “Death? LOL! Amirite???”

We call this color: silver lining? There is no silver lining.

Design Placement: Centered

Design Size:
3X – S: 14.00” x 5.82”
WXL - WS: 11.50” x 4.78”
K12 - K4: 9.00” x 3.74”

Pantone Color(s): White - 1235C - 241C - 199C - 311C - Black

Discuss this product

Trivial Matters

Sat, 12 May 2012 00:00:33 -0500

Nature vs. Leisure

2nd place in Derby #250: Board Games, with 696 votes!

“Hey man, our Trivial Genome Pursuit results came back.”

“Oh yeah, I remember sending that away. What’s the deal again?”

“Well, they analyze your DNA and give you a full run-down of your genetic makeup. But they let you know about it through a series of trivia questions.”

“How incredibly convoluted. But cool!”

“So yeah, want to ask me some questions from my results?”

“Sure. What digestive intolerance do you share with the majority of the world’s population?”

“Umm. Lactose intolerance?”

“You got it!”

“Cool. Now let me read one for you. Your rare genetic defect will render you a nerveless pile of flesh in how many years? 5, 10, or 40?”

“Wait. What?”

“Yeah it’s a tough one. I’ll repeat it. Your rare genetic defect will render you a nerveless pile of flesh in how many years? 5, 10, or 40?”

“Oh my god.”

“I have my guess, but I’m not 100% sure I’m right.”

“JUST TELL ME!!”

“No no, that’s not how the game works.”

“10 years???”

“Nope.”

“…40 years?”

“Nope. I was totally right! It’s five years! Hey, don’t be so glum buddy, you’ll get the next one.”

Wear this shirt: as your “thinking shirt”

Don’t wear this shirt: around people who do not understand homonyms

This shirt tells the world: “We finally got a piece of the…something.”

We call this color: To Her Majesty’s Royal Navy

Remember the Supreme Law of Online Apparel Shopping: check the sizing chart before you buy.

Design Placement: Centered

Design Size:
3X – S: 12.00” x 6.91”
WXL - K4: 8.00” x 4.60”

Pantone Color(s): White - 141C - 7432C - 577C - 630C - 533C

Discuss this product

Reckoning Reminder 5/11/2012

Fri, 11 May 2012 13:15:00 -0500

Friday's here, so take a minute to visit the Reckoning page and check out how your favorite shirts are faring. While everyone else is enjoying the day off, these shirts will be sweating it out in mortal combat for their very lives. Buy one, and you could save its cottony skin. Don't buy one, and you have only yourself to blame if it disappears come Monday.

Not a Snowball’s Chance…

Fri, 11 May 2012 00:00:25 -0500

These are the pitfalls of Shirt.Woot.

1st place in Derby #250: Board Games, with 828 votes!

“Hey, can you look at this for a sec?”

“Is it a shirt?”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Come on.”

“No.”

“I can’t figure out what’s going on here.”

“Fine. It’s a- What the hell?”

“Yeah.”

“Is it a Game of Thrones reference?”

“I don’t know. Does this happen in Game of Thrones? Are there giant rabbits?”

“This is Shirt.Woot. There are always giant rabbits. He’s kind of doing a ‘praise the sun’ gesture.”

“You think it’s a Dark Souls reference?”

“Maybe. He’s got a sun on his tunic.”

“Maybe it’s not a reference at all?”

“How long have you worked here? Shirts don’t win derbies unless they have some kind of pop culture reference shoehorned in. What was the Derby theme?”

“Board games.”

“Oh. Oh. It’s- Is it a Monopoly gag? Wait. Black Knight. It’s Monty Python.”

“Oooooh.”

“Yeah. Monty Python crossed with Monopoly. Gee, how did we not figure that out instantly?”

Wear this shirt: While playing some other game that doesn’t take 54 hours to complete.

Don’t wear this shirt: If you don’t want to have to explain the gag repeatedly.

This shirt tells the world: “Yeah, I didn’t really get it either, but I can’t be trusted with money.”

We call this color: Boom! You landed on Silver Railroad! Pay up, sucker!

Remember the Supreme Law of Online Apparel Shopping: check the sizing chart before you buy.

Design Placement: Centered

Design Size:
3X – S: 12.00” x 7.07”
WXL - K4: 9.00” x 5.30”

Pantone Color(s): Black

Discuss this product