1st Place in Derby #379: 25k Cup, Round V: Naughty & Nice: Redux, with 199 votes!
Woot's A+ Number 1 Best Guac Recipe
stuff you need:
1 massive jalapeño
1 onion, tepid
tube of toothpaste
3 teaspoons lime juice
lock of Todd Rundgren’s hair
6 cups soil from Nana’s backyard
3 garlic cloves, scorned
handful of staples for garnish.
Now make the magic happen
Hold two avocados in one hand and the third in your other hand. Attempt to juggle for 4 minutes. If spouse is not impressed, go cry in the tub.
Mash everything. EVERYTHING. Channel all the years of anger, the resentment, the BETRAYAL … this guac’s gonna be amazing.
Spoon guac into caulking gun and apply liberally to stuff.
If you decide to eat staples, please don’t sue us.