Open The Package, Ruin The Mystery
Sometimes it’s best not knowing, you know?
It’s like I told my wife: “I don’t care how many of my friends you’ve slept with behind my back. As long as I don’t know about it, I can’t be disappointed.” Eight years later, her illicit infidelity still lurks in the shadows like a movie monster everyone knows is there but me, and we’re still going strong.
It’s the same deal with these random shirts! I’ve got tons of unopened packages of randoms that I’ve purchased from Shirt.Woot over the years, and not a single one of them has ever been opened. Why? Because right now every one of those shirts has the potential to be the greatest one they’ve ever produced. Once I take a look inside and see what I’ve been sent, all that magic is gone. And what’s worse, I might be left with a crap-ton of cartoon turtles and penguins. This way, I never ever have to know the truth! I’m telling you, ignorance really is bliss!
Oops, hold on a second. My phone’s ringing. Hello? Oh hey, Johnny! What’s that? Hang on, I’ll ask her. Honey? Johnny wants to know if you guys can meet up for late-night coffee at the In-N-Out Hourly Motel tonight. Also, he told me to put air quotes around the “late-night coffee” part. When should I tell him you’ll meet him?
Wear this shirt: because it’d be a waste of money if you didn’t.
Don’t wear this shirt: and use it as a flashy dust rag or window wiper-downer thing. TOWEL. That’s the word I was thinking of.
This shirt tells the world: “If it’s clean and cheap, I’ll wear it.”
We call this color: Wouldn’t You Like To Know
Please check our before you order. The Woot Tee follows a classic closer-fitting style. If you prefer a baggier look, order a larger size. If there is not a larger size, consider starting a belly-hanging-out trend.
