Derby #266: Single Line
+13

A Mother's Connection

A Mother's Connection
add a comment

Comments

anastasia88


quality posts: 0 Private Messages anastasia88
Re: A Mother's Connection


This is my first submission, be gentle. ;]

Mavyn


quality posts: 23 Private Messages Mavyn
anastasia88 wrote:This is my first submission, be gentle. ;]


Does that mean you'd like feedback?

My speech is not parsing. I am speaking in ellipsis.

anastasia88


quality posts: 0 Private Messages anastasia88
Mavyn wrote:Does that mean you'd like feedback?


I would love feedback!

Mavyn


quality posts: 23 Private Messages Mavyn
Re: A Mother's Connection


The subject isn't one that I'd want to wear. It's well done, but the topic is one that is unlikely to be worn regularly. It feels...political.

On the technical side, I think it would have worked better to have the back/left side open, with one end on top and one under the belly. That way, the elements left out would seem out of frame rather than excluded.

Keep in mind, I'm not an artist. I just buy a lot of tees.

My speech is not parsing. I am speaking in ellipsis.

runnerfrog13


quality posts: 10 Private Messages runnerfrog13
Mavyn wrote:Keep in mind, I'm not an artist. I just buy a lot of tees.

I've always asserted that people who look at (or in this case, wear) art are just as qualified to have an opinion as those who make it. They just may not be as technical or lingo-savvy about it

For the subject, I'd agree it's not something I would generally wear (I am a mother of two), though I wouldn't say "political" nature, but like Mavyn I can't think of a better word. It's just a really niche subject and kindof awkward for a regular person to wear on their shirt. It might be helpful to browse through some past derbies and see what the winners and honorable mentions were, to get a feel for what type of shirts users (wearers? whatever we're called) typically buy here.
(Then throw out everything with Zelda/VideoGames/StarWars/Bunnies/etc... keep yourself pure! j/k)*

As for the design, I agree that it would look good to start the line at the top and end it on the bottom, so as to give the impression that the rest of the body is just out of the frame instead of closing the line off. The double line "placenta" around the fetus feels quite thick, as well as the triple line along the bottom. Maybe you could find a way to start at the top, outline fetus then circle around just once, then continue the line for the bottom of the belly.

As far as shirt comps, I'm not a pro (having never submitted... YET! One day...) but you might check out this forum post on the "Unofficial Rules" it's got alot of great stuff, as well as a link to a non-default shirt comp that isn't bad looking. You may need to update the colors to match current offical ones though, I haven't checked it recently. http://shirt.woot.com/Forums/ViewPost.aspx?PostID=1946963

*EDIT: Haha, I only just now looked to see that you've bought shirts here before, so you're probably already familiar with things! Disregard that piece of advice to browse past derbies then.

anastasia88


quality posts: 0 Private Messages anastasia88
runnerfrog13 wrote:I've always asserted that people who look at (or in this case, wear) art are just as qualified to have an opinion as those who make it. They just may not be as technical or lingo-savvy about it

For the subject, I'd agree it's not something I would generally wear (I am a mother of two), though I wouldn't say "political" nature, but like Mavyn I can't think of a better word. It's just a really niche subject and kindof awkward for a regular person to wear on their shirt. It might be helpful to browse through some past derbies and see what the winners and honorable mentions were, to get a feel for what type of shirts users (wearers? whatever we're called) typically buy here.
(Then throw out everything with Zelda/VideoGames/StarWars/Bunnies/etc... keep yourself pure! j/k)*

As for the design, I agree that it would look good to start the line at the top and end it on the bottom, so as to give the impression that the rest of the body is just out of the frame instead of closing the line off. The double line "placenta" around the fetus feels quite thick, as well as the triple line along the bottom. Maybe you could find a way to start at the top, outline fetus then circle around just once, then continue the line for the bottom of the belly.

As far as shirt comps, I'm not a pro (having never submitted... YET! One day...) but you might check out this forum post on the "Unofficial Rules" it's got alot of great stuff, as well as a link to a non-default shirt comp that isn't bad looking. You may need to update the colors to match current offical ones though, I haven't checked it recently. http://shirt.woot.com/Forums/ViewPost.aspx?PostID=1946963

*EDIT: Haha, I only just now looked to see that you've bought shirts here before, so you're probably already familiar with things! Disregard that piece of advice to browse past derbies then.


I really appreciate the artistic advice. I wasn't happy with the lines and actually wanted them thinner. On the other hand, I submitted so late in the week that I knew it wouldn't win and I had a choice to spend another hour tweeking line thicknesses(i wanted the baby a lot more delecate/thinner), or I could go to sleep and get another hour before having to go to work. You see which one won.
The outer placenta line was meant to be thicker than the inner, and the 'arm' a bit thicker than that. representing a protected enviroment for the child. I think it would have gotten across better had I spent more time on thinning the baby lines as well.
Since I did not have any hope of winning, I didn't mind submitting on such a 'political', 'sensitive', or generally 'not teeshirt worthy' subject matter. My goal this week was to at least submit something. Next week(in couple days) I'll try harder to make a shirt that (i think) will actually sell.
Once again, thankyou so much for the feed back! Even though the contest is over, I'll probably spend more time tweeking the design to post on my Deviant Art account, so I appreciate the artistic/design opinion and will look into those options!
(ps, I LOVE BUNNIES! i've bought the infinibunny shirt off here. bunny inifinity, touching paws, creepy red eyeshttp://s3.amazonaws.com/wootsaleimages/Bunnies_Forevervw8Detail.png)

More Derby Entries

By date:

By rank:

Thumbnail