3rd place in Derby #213: Dog Days, with 714 votes!

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I’ll be honest. This is going to be a rough case. After all, who doesn’t know the reputation of the Defendant? She’s quite the legend, after all. She’s so brave! So friendly! And, most importantly, always there to help when there’s trouble, especially when her precocious little buddy is involved!

Heh. “Always there.” Funny, isn’t it? The kid gets trapped on a ledge, she’s there. The kid gets menaced by a bear, there she is. When he stumbles on to a live mine field or gets exposed to high levels of radiation or is threatened by a dynamite-wielding escaped lab chimpanzee, she MIRACULOUSLY is there to save the day! Time and time again, this young man finds himself in danger’s path with only her to save him. Kind of makes you wonder if it’s all just coincidence, doesn’t it?

Now there’s this latest incident with the well, and it’s the same old story as all the times before. Well, almost the same story. This one involves betrayal. It involves a young man who loves his best friend so much that he would follow her to a dangerous place where he knew he wasn’t allowed. It involves a beast, a MONSTER, who would put the physical and emotional well-being of a little boy at risk over and over again for no other reasons than attention and a handful of treats. And finally, it involves Crime Scene Analysts finding a faint paw print on the back of that young man’s shirt after they pulled him out. All thanks to her, of course.

Ladies and gentlemen, forget all you know or think you know about the Defendant. By the time all is said and done here, we believe you will see that the defendant for what truly she is: a cold-hearted bitch.

Wear this shirt: as a warning to your dog that you’re on to him.

Don’t wear this shirt: if it bothers you that at no point on the show did Timmy actually fall down a well.

This shirt tells the world: “You can tell she’s lying by the way she wags her tail.”

We call this color: Man’s Best White Shirt

Back to top