Now, stop me if you’ve heard this one already…

Okay, let’s look at the charts… hmm. Well, I’m not going to mince words here, your days of adventuring are over. As you can see, the lateral condyle was completely shattered, although I think we managed to save some of the patella… it’s here in this box for you when you’re ready… but I can’t see your cruciate ligaments ever reforming to a degree that you’ll be able to successfully adventure in this territory again.

Hey… hey, don’t cry. Listen, you’ve faced down the Dark Brotherhood, haven’t you? And did you cry then? No, you didn’t, did you? Just look at this as another adventure, maybe even pretend it’s a bonus level or something. You mastered your weapons and your skills, you’ll master this. You’ll be a little slower, maybe, but- look, just think of it as Nightmare Mode, okay? And before long, you’ll be back on your feet, just a little bit slower.

No, you’re never going to be facing down dragons again, but you’ll still be able to hold down a job. You’re more than qualified to, say, take on a security position? Oh, I can certainly recommend someone, there’s a town nearby with a watch commander and he’s very serious about working with those in your position. He’s founded an excellent outreach program and we’ve worked with them several times before to place patients in work-study situations.

Don’t look at this as the end of one career. Look at it as the beginning of another.

Wear this shirt: because if you’re staying up all night anyway, you might as well be dressed for it.

Don’t wear this shirt: around your The Cake Is A Liar shirt. It might start feeling jealous.

This shirt tells the world: “Sounds like someone’s got a case of the useta’s today.”

We call this color: The Ruins Of Blackreach

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