Hey! Who's that flapping those membranous wings, on a nocturnal mission straight into our hearts? Bats! Armed with sonar, rabies, and possibly shape-shifting abilities, these flying guano-pumpers have found a new roost: right on your chest. Unlike the bats offered by other deal-a-day web sites, this fetching pair is guaranteed disease-free. They may bite you while you're sleeping and slurp at the wound for nourishment, but what's a little blood between mammals?

Designed by: Chicago artist, impostor, cartoonist, crank caller, musician, and blogger Derek Erdman, who also finds time to obsess over The Fall and officiate weddings, baptisms, and funerals.

Wear this shirt to: your Weight Watchers meetings, to let everyone else know about the hottest, healthiest low-fat alternative to beef - bat meat.

Don't wear this shirt to: the northern Brazilian state of Maranhao, where bats bit over 1,000 people during a 2005 infestation, killing 23. The locals might not see the humor in it.

This shirt tells the world: "I dream of soaring through the air, wild and free, ingesting insects all the while."

We call this color: Non-Coagulated Red.

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