Defensive Driver

by Joby Cummings


Printed to order

Ships in 1-2 business days.

Kelly Green
Limit 15 per customer
  • Standard - Estimated delivery Jul 05 - Jul 10
  • Two-Day - Estimated delivery Jun 30
add to cart

Won’t Come Back From Dead Man’s Curve

There’s a story that the Air Force did a study, and found that there was a single color that made planes almost invisible to the naked eye at all hours. That color was a pale pink. The Air Force shook their heads and decided to never talk about it again.

Why, you might ask? Because modern war isn’t about efficiency, or simple goals, or well-thought strategies that make long term gains with minimal and temporary cost to the nation. Modern war is about scaring the pants off of them so that they submit to our economic policies without complaint! You think a whole bunch of pink invisible planes are going to manage that? Not a chance! The only thing those jerkfaces are going to respect is a sixty ton Christine jumping over a sand dune.

Sunlight gleaming off chrome teeth, missiles shooting in every direction, “La Cucaracha” blasting on the horn, it’s an image that just grabs you somewhere inside and whispers “Surrender Dorothy.” Sure, you can pretend we’re wrong if you want, but let’s be honest here about who REALLY did more in the war against the Soviet Union. Was it Ronald Reagan and his historic meeting with General Secretary Gorbachev… or Megaforce?

This shirt was designed by: Joby Cummings, who has done other stuff for us in the past, but really, we’re only giving him these commissions so that his girlfriend will like us better. Seriously, she’s a total babe. And that accent! Like honey on gluten-free ice cream. As a great man once said, “How about you drop that zero and get with a hero?”

Wear this shirt: on Sunday! SUNDAY! SUNDAY! when you’re turnin’ your back yard into a monster MUD PIT.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you’re the sort of loser who quotes Vanilla Ice at perfectly charming ladies who have boyfriends. You might as well just go bare-chested and offer them two free tickets to the gun show. Très unclassy.

This shirt tells the world: “I only race for pink slips. And love. And maybe beer.”

We call this color: Mean Kelly Green Machine

Back to top


Pantone Colors:
BlackC - 553C - 554C Cool Gray 6C -White

Standard Brand:

  • Standard fit (slightly boxy, a little loose)
  • Fiber Content: 4.5 oz 100% Combed Ringspun Cotton
  • Manufactured In: Honduras/Nicaragua
  • Printed In: Carrollton, Texas, USA

Premium Brand:

  • Slimmer fit (if you like a looser fit, order one size up from your usual size)
  • Fiber Content: 4.2 oz 100% Combed Ringspun Cotton
  • Manufactured In: USA, Central America, Vietnam or Bangladesh
  • Printed In: Carrollton, Texas, USA

Sizing Chart:

Please check our sizing chart before you order.

Sales Stats

Speed to First Woot:
0m 49.000s
First Sucker:
Last Wooter to Woot:

Purchaser Experience

  • 0% first woot
  • 95% second woot
  • 5% < 10 woots
  • 0% < 25 woots
  • 0% ≥ 25 woots

Purchaser Seniority

  • 5% joined today
  • 1% one week old
  • 4% one month old
  • 44% one year old
  • 45% > one year old

Quantity Breakdown

  • 95% bought 1
  • 4% bought 2
  • 1% bought 3 or more

Percentage of Sales Per Hour

12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11

Percentage of Sales Per Day

Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun

Woots by State

zero wooters wootinglots of wooters wooting

Top Comments

What are Top Comments?

Top Comments are discussion forum posts we have deemed worthy of your time. Listen, we get a lot of comments, and most of the time, it's pretty forgettable stuff; but sometimes you rise to the top like butterfat in milk. We don't recommend you base your self-worth on how often we feature your comments, but we don't expressly forbid it either.

join the discussion (95 comments)
  • wootbot

    wootbot Got something of value to say? You'd be the first. Somebody, anybody, give us a quality post. We're dying here.

join the discussion (95 comments)
Defensive Driver by Joby Cummings
$11.00 In Stock Apparel & Accessories
$11.00 $14.00 USD false 1 Retail EA
1 15
Woot! Shirt.Woot
4121 International Pkwy Carollton TX 75007 U.S.A.