Last night, you were a monster. With manic eyes, raffish moustache curls, and a bottle in each hand, you gorged yourself on the wet, warm joy of being alive. Every time your brain raised some meek objection – but what about tomorrow? – you gave it the business with the business end of your prehensile tail. Nothing, nothing was going to dull the points of your dorsal spines.

But that morning that was never going to come came. You’re 57 flavors of misery, as toxic as Times Beach and as dizzy as Jerome Dean. Your mouth is a dumpster, your gut an abbatoir. And you realize: you weren’t the monster. The monster was in your head. And now he’s moved down into your abdomen, still stomping and snarling and guzzling like there really is no tomorrow. For you, the party’s over. For the monster, it’s just getting started.

This shirt was designed by: Dale Hayward, who lives, draws, and animates in beautiful Montreal, Canada. Bonne Année! But why do you hate America, Dale?

Wear this shirt: today. Oh, wait. You can’t.

Don’t wear this shirt: and tell people the dinosaur’s drinking blood. That’s disgusting, and defamatory to dinosaurs.

This shirt tells the world: “Meteors didn’t kill the dinosaurs – it was cirrhosis.”

We call this color: The Bouquet Presents Notes Of Dinosaur Breath And Cranberry.

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