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Do Not Pass Go

by kevlar51 & walmazan

$15.00
$18.00 17% off List Price

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Asphalt
New
Limit 15 per customer
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Oh, like you can be mad at the dog for finally making things interesting.

1st place in Derby #213: Dog Days, with 943 votes!

We’ve been waiting for an opportunity like this to take down those Parker Brothers and give ‘em a good what for. Sure, it’s been around in one form or another for over 105 years. Sure, it’s helped people learn about single tax theory and land grabbing. Sure, a special edition was even made to help WWII prisoners of war escape from Nazi prisons. The game’s got a long and storied history, but it can’t change this one simple fact:

Monopoly sucks.

Seeing someone grab a Monopoly box from the closet full of games is like hearing the judge issue your life sentence in prison. Your heart sinks, you feel your stomach climb up into your throat, your eyes sting with tears, and your mouth salivates in an attempt to lubricate itself for the vomit you will soon be expelling.

From then on it’s an endurance trial, as every time a Monopoly board is unfolded from the box it generates a bubble of altered space-time much like the event horizon of a black hole, where to outside observers the players seem frozen in place forever. It is a documented fact that the shortest game of Monopoly ever played lasted a “mere” 42 hours. Three people died from either dehydration, boredom-induced aneurysms, or self-inflicted wounds made with a miniature top hat.

Yet somehow they continue to propagate this “game” throughout toy stores everywhere. New editions come out, as if renaming Boardwalk with a street from the Simpsons universe or your favorite NFL franchise would make constructing tenement housing and predatory rent prices more fun.

You want to know what a game of Monopoly is like? Imagine a tiny pewter boot stamping on a human face – forever.

Wear this shirt: While justifying another trip to McDonald’s under the guise of “MAYBE THIS TIME I’LL GET THE BOARDWALK PIECE! ANOTHER 20-PC. CHICKEN NUGGET, PLEASE!”

Don’t wear this shirt: To game night at the local nerd hangout, unless you like cries of “We play TABLE TOP GAMES, here, not your ridiculous board games!”

This shirt tells the world: “I’m going to marry into your family and ruin every Thanksgiving and Christmas gathering for the rest of your life by suggesting we all gather ‘round the table and play this monstrosity.”

We call this color: I would rather grind my face off onto Asphalt than play this game

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Features

Pantone Colors:
White - Cool Grey 1C - Cool Grey 9C - 7499C - 7416C - 7472C

Features:
• Fiber Content: 4.5 oz 100% Combed Ringspun Cotton
• Manufactured In: Honduras/Nicaragua
• Printed In Carrollton, Texas, USA
• These shirts are printed to order. That means most of the time, we'll be printing using DTG technology

Sizing Chart:
Please check our sizing chart before you order.

Sales Stats

Speed to First Woot:
0m 43.000s
First Sucker:
bluejester
Last Wooter to Woot:
annestine

Purchaser Experience

  • 0% first woot
  • 91% second woot
  • 9% < 10 woots
  • 0% < 25 woots
  • 0% ≥ 25 woots

Purchaser Seniority

  • 7% joined today
  • 1% one week old
  • 3% one month old
  • 25% one year old
  • 65% > one year old

Quantity Breakdown

  • 91% bought 1
  • 7% bought 2
  • 2% bought 3 or more

Percentage of Sales Per Hour

10%
4%
2%
2%
1%
2%
5%
7%
9%
8%
7%
6%
4%
3%
3%
3%
3%
4%
3%
3%
2%
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3%
3%
12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11

Percentage of Sales Per Day

4%
2%
1%
2%
87%
3%
2%
Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun

Woots by State

zero wooters wootinglots of wooters wooting

Top Comments

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Top Comments are discussion forum posts we have deemed worthy of your time. Listen, we get a lot of comments, and most of the time, it's pretty forgettable stuff; but sometimes you rise to the top like butterfat in milk. We don't recommend you base your self-worth on how often we feature your comments, but we don't expressly forbid it either.

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Do Not Pass Go by kevlar51 & walmazan
$15.00 In Stock Apparel & Accessories
$15.00 USD false 1 Retail EA
1 15
Woot! Shirt.Woot
4121 International Pkwy Carollton TX 75007 U.S.A.