Well, no wonder we never found anything on Oak Island.

Take hold of the means of production! That’s what it said in the book they threw in the hole with me. I had lots of time to read after they piled all the dirt on my head.

It was easy to understand the “all property is theft” thing, since… well, considering how I got here and all, but there were some amazing ideas in that little book. And it really got me thinking. For example, did you know that 1% of the people hold 90% of the wealth? And that there are lots of people who don’t actually do any work, but still somehow stay rich?

Well, I decided that it was time to put an end to this fascist chain of events. I decided it was time to stand up and take control of my life. When those pirates come back, they’re gonna find out that… what? They’re coming back? Aw, crap! Feets don’t fail me now!

Wear this shirt: on your chest. It’s obvious, really.

Don’t wear this shirt: around your ex. Unless you want to get back together. But keep in mind, they’re your ex for a reason, right?

This shirt tells the world: “I got yer spot right here.”

We call this color: If You Invest Olive That Money You Might Be Able To Live Out Your Golden Years In… Oh, Sure, A Big Screen Television, Good Idea.

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