As a matter of fact, I could use some help! What would you recommend on tough clogs? Specifically clogs that bite.

Yeah, I’ve just got something clogging up my sink, you know, just the typical backed-up, slow-to-drain thing that’ll occasionally emerge while I’m doing dishes and try to nip off my pinky with its razor-sharp teeth. Do you have any tools for something like that? You know, like a special plunger for carnivorous clogs? Maybe something that’s half-plunger, half-crossbow?

Or you know what, I’d be fine with one of these pipe-clearing liquids. Which do you think would be the best for some major, thick build-up? Also, is there anyone in particular that works on fireball-shooting build-up? Because it’s hard to get my teenaged son to do basic household chores like bring the plates to the sink after dinner when there’s a threat that something might sear off his eyebrows, you know?

Oh wait, what’s this one here? The AquaFloot? It says right here on the box that it’s perfect for when you need to “charm away feisty clogs” and that it “requires far less effort than traditional plungers.” I’ll take it!

Wear this shirt: in lieu of your usual full-body Tanuki suit.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you haven’t eaten one of those size-doubling mushrooms yet. The shirt will look large and baggy on your tiny body.

This shirt tells the world: “Imma real charmer, kid, can’t yoshi?”

We call this color: Peaches and creme (mostly creme).

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