1st place in Derby #154: Cities, with 786 votes!

There’s a lot to be said for the city. There’s art, there’s music, there’s culture, there’s food and drink and every vice you could ever possibly want and movies you’ve never even heard of and then, for some reason, it’s like a hundred and six degrees the first week of July. And it’s a wet heat, like Lou Reed sang about back in, what was that, sixty eight?

Even if you love the city, any city, you still gotta get out of town now and then. If only to get that outsider’s perspective and imagine what it was like before you ever found out this was your true home. You can’t always see the beauty in things from inside them, you know. But from a fair distance, it’s easy to understand why you wanted to be there in the first place.

Except for that garbage smell. And why do they only have air conditioning at the rich people subway stops? Ah, well. At least all the jerkfaces went to the Hamptons.

Wear this shirt: on your first visit to the big city! It’ll make it easier for the network of pickpockets to keep an eye on you as you move from territory to territory.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you’re a C.H.U.D. Any regular old H.U.D. is fine, we just don’t want any C.’s sportin’ our brand, okay?

This shirt tells the world: “That rain sure doesn’t look safe to drink.”

We call this color: Black Of My Neck Feeling Dirty And Gritty

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