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Evil Bike Is Evil

by Brett Waldon AKA SeedUvPain

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We’re really starting to wonder about some of you.

Just what sort of warped lens do you view the world through?

It takes all kinds to make the world go ‘round. And what one person likes plenty of other people will find flawed. Art is subjective and we don’t judge. But we’re really wondering about the thought processes some of you seem to have.

Today’s shirt is a great example. First 90% of the people who buy this clicked on it as soon as they saw a mustache because some bizarre knee-jerk hipster-internet reaction forced them to do so. “MUSTACHE,” their brain chemically screamed at their body, “MUSTACHE HAS BEEN DEEMED IRONICALLY ACCEPTABLE BY THE MIASMA OF HIPSTER CULTURE TO WHICH WE VEHEMENTLY SUBSCRIBE WHILE MAINTAINING IRONIC DETACHMENT. OWNERSHIP AND DISPLAY OF MUSTACHE WILL INCREASE OUR SOCIAL STANDING AMONG THE COMPLETELY-SELF-ABSORBED-DISGUISED-AS-EARNEST PEOPLE WE ASSOCIATE WITH.” And their little fingers clicked on the mouse like a pigeon pushing a button in a lab for a cracker.

So okay. If you’re really into the “mustache movement” or whatever we’re calling that ridiculousness, fine. You like mustaches so much you’re willing to buy anything with a mustache on it. Great. But then it’s slapped on an old-timey penny-farthing. Okay…so it’s a handlebar mustache. So now we’ve got a pun shirt. Fine. That sort of thing happens here all the time. Why a penny-farthing? Is that like a thing too? Old-timey high wheelers? Are they “ironic” too now?

And then it’s got an “ironic” sinister laugh, thrown on like some bizarre slapdash cherry on top of a sundae that couldn’t be bothered to care. So it’s a mustache, a handlebar mustache serving as handlebars to a bike, an old-timey high wheeler bike, with a corny menacing laugh like something out of a grainy, black and white movie where someone’s getting tied to train tracks. Uh, what?

Wear this shirt: On your “totally unique pop culture digest” YouTube show where you show clips of other popular things that happened in the hopes that someone will mistakenly click your link and increase your total views.

Don’t wear this shirt: If you’re going to come at me with some bizarre “you just don’t get it” explanation.

This shirt tells the world: “I, or more likely my parents, have entirely too much money.”

We call this color: Handlebar Heather Gray

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Pantone Colors:

Standard Brand:

  • Standard fit (slightly boxy, a little loose)
  • Fiber Content: 4.5 oz 100% Combed Ringspun Cotton
  • Manufactured In: Honduras/Nicaragua
  • Printed In: Carrollton, Texas, USA

American Apparel:

  • Slimmer fit (if you like a looser fit, order one size up from your usual size)
  • Fiber Content: 4.3 oz 100% Combed Ringspun Cotton
  • Manufactured In: USA
  • Printed In: Carrollton, Texas, USA

Sizing Chart:
Please check our sizing chart before you order.

Sales Stats

Speed to First Woot:
0m 14.000s
First Sucker:
Last Wooter to Woot:

Purchaser Experience

  • 0% first woot
  • 94% second woot
  • 6% < 10 woots
  • 0% < 25 woots
  • 0% ≥ 25 woots

Purchaser Seniority

  • 14% joined today
  • 1% one week old
  • 3% one month old
  • 19% one year old
  • 62% > one year old

Quantity Breakdown

  • 94% bought 1
  • 5% bought 2
  • 1% bought 3 or more

Percentage of Sales Per Hour

12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11

Percentage of Sales Per Day

Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun

Woots by State

zero wooters wootinglots of wooters wooting

Top Comments

What are Top Comments?

Top Comments are discussion forum posts we have deemed worthy of your time. Listen, we get a lot of comments, and most of the time, it's pretty forgettable stuff; but sometimes you rise to the top like butterfat in milk. We don't recommend you base your self-worth on how often we feature your comments, but we don't expressly forbid it either.

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Evil Bike Is Evil by Brett Waldon AKA SeedUvPain
$11.00 In Stock Apparel & Accessories
$11.00 $14.00 USD false 1 Retail EA
1 15
Woot! Shirt.Woot
4121 International Pkwy Carollton TX 75007 U.S.A.