...except in a real race

by haxrox


Printed to order

Ships in 1-2 business days.

Limit 15 per customer
  • Standard - Estimated delivery Jun 09 - Jun 14
  • Two-Day - Estimated delivery Jun 07
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Is It Ironic That This Shirt Came In Third?

3rd place in Derby #43: Slogans, with 386 votes!

For some reason, everyone who tells the story of The Tortoise And The Hare ends it with “because slow and steady wins the race” instead of the more accurate moral, “when you’re comfortably in the lead don’t be an idiot and take breaks to allow the guy behind you to catch up.”

If you really look at it, that’s really what the story is about. It’s like a fairy tale version of Oliver Stone’s Wall Street. You think Donald Trump would say “Oh, I’m so far ahead, I think I’ll take a nap for a few hours”? You think Michael Jordan would say “Wow, I should stop for dinner at the halfway point instead of just eating after the race with my team the way we planned last night”? You can talk about persistence all you want, but face it, “slow and steady” is never going to help you beat that nine foot tall Kenyan dude who has a stride the size of two Danny DeVitos.

This shirt was designed by: haxrox, who drew each letter by hand onto a parchment template, then transferred the template to woodcuts, which he then filled with ink and pressed onto a different sheet of parchment. After allowing it to try, he transfered it to canvas and shipped the final product to a team of thirteen monks that began the process of hand-lettering each shirt. Dude, just download OpenOffice, it’s free.

Wear this shirt: around your pet turtles. Remind ‘em who’s in charge. An uppity turtle is a problem waiting to happen.

Don’t wear this shirt: when you’re a high schooler going to meet a girl’s father before her very first date ever. Take it from us old folks, sometimes “slow and steady” keeps you from being shot in the face.

This shirt tells the world: “I really prefer the story of The Fox And The Grapes.”

We call this color: Philip Grass. No music says “slow and steady” quite like his does.

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Pantone Colors:
- BlackC

Standard Brand:

  • Standard fit (slightly boxy, a little loose)
  • Fiber Content: 4.5 oz 100% Combed Ringspun Cotton
  • Manufactured In: Honduras/Nicaragua
  • Printed In: Carrollton, Texas, USA

Premium Brand:

  • Slimmer fit (if you like a looser fit, order one size up from your usual size)
  • Fiber Content: 4.2 oz 100% Combed Ringspun Cotton
  • Manufactured In: USA, Central America, Vietnam or Bangladesh
  • Printed In: Carrollton, Texas, USA

Sizing Chart:

Please check our sizing chart before you order.

Sales Stats

Speed to First Woot:
0m 13.000s
First Sucker:
Last Wooter to Woot:

Purchaser Experience

  • 0% first woot
  • 93% second woot
  • 7% < 10 woots
  • 0% < 25 woots
  • 0% ≥ 25 woots

Purchaser Seniority

  • 6% joined today
  • 1% one week old
  • 3% one month old
  • 42% one year old
  • 48% > one year old

Quantity Breakdown

  • 93% bought 1
  • 6% bought 2
  • 1% bought 3 or more

Percentage of Sales Per Hour

12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11

Percentage of Sales Per Day

Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun

Woots by State

zero wooters wootinglots of wooters wooting

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...except in a real race by haxrox
$11.00 In Stock Apparel & Accessories
$11.00 $14.00 USD false 1 Retail EA
1 15
Woot! Shirt.Woot
4121 International Pkwy Carollton TX 75007 U.S.A.