1st place in Derby #204: I ♥ Books!, with 1149 votes!

“Hey, uh, hi. I’m here to see Sally and her brother. Uh, are you their dad or something?”

I’m Chip Mansen with Byline’s To Ensnare a Bad Guy. I need to talk to you for a minute.

“Hey, woah, I wasn’t going to do anything!”

You sure about that? I have your chat logs. This is you, right? U_can_wear_my_hat69? How old are the kids you’re coming over to see?

“Uh, 18. I think they said they were 18.”

No. Sally specifically said that they were six and eight, respectively. You say right here, “how old are you?” She says, “I’m eight, my brother’s six.” You say, “i want 2 play up up up with ur fish.” What did you mean by that?

“Look, uh, am I being arrested or something?”

I’m not going to hold you here. We’re doing a show about cats who show up to wreck kids’ houses while their moms are away. I’d appreciate if you answer my questions here, but other than that you’re free to go.

“But there are probably cops waiting out there, right?”

All I can say is I’d appreciate you answering my questions.

“Oh god. Oh god it’s over. My whole life is over. I have a wife, man. I have a DENTAL PRACTICE! It’s all gonna be gone. Forever. Oh god, you’ve got to believe I wasn’t gonna do anything. I just wanted to keep them company on a rainy day!”

You brought that box to keep them company? What’s in it?

“Thing 1 and Thing 2, sir.”

So you expect me to believe you brought a box with two Things in it because you just wanted to hang out?

“Yes. No- I don’t know, sir.”

The Cat was arrested as he left the house by the police officers working with us on this sting. His bail was placed at $50,000.

Wear this shirt: On rainy days when you’re stuck inside the house.

Don’t wear this shirt: While picking up strangers in internet chat rooms. Just don’t do that in general.

This shirt tells the world: “That rabbit sure has short ears and a long tail.”

We call this color: Red-handed

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