“Boy, did you feel that rattling this morning? Wonder if there’s anything about it on the news?”

click have called for citizens to be calm. According to leading scientists, current data models offer no cause for alarm. Once again, our top story this morning: former planet Pluto has vanished from the universe, and experts have as of yet offered no explanation as to click obvious that we don’t yet know everything about our universe, sure, but to say that black holes are a portal to another universe outside this one… well, a statement like that is just a little premature, in my opinion. Now, of course, something’s happened to Pluto, obviously, but whatever it is, it most likely was an isolated phenomenon and not something that puts Earth in jeopardy at all. My own personal model of the Solar System implies that click been telling you, friends, the end time is here! The universe is at an end! And one day there’s a higher power that will turn the knob and we’ll just roll out the slot and get devoured! And on that day, will you be ready? Will you stand beside those who click HAHAHA and so I was like, whoaaa, what if this whole world was, like, inside a big gumball machine, man? HAHAHAHAHA CLAPCLAPCLAPCLAP click and I wouldn’t be doing my job as a Senator if I didn’t point out that this whole mess is completely the fault of the opposition party. And, quite frankly, a vote for them is a vote for click some kind of viral marketing for the new J.J. Abrams monster movie, that’s all I think this click Voyager probe is reporting that it seems to have hit some kind of metal wall that looks like a door, or maybe a, a, a, hatch of some kind, it’s very click HAHAHAHA and so my buddy was so baked, he was like “what if oil is the liquid center, and the whole universe is, like, inside some kind of cosmic pizza joint, and there’s a little kid who’ll click when the end times come, friend, when the last planet falls, will your heart call the number on the outside and say “Yes! Yes, my universe is in need of a refill! Give me the click and so this powdery residue proves that the Mayans figured all this out a long time ago, and maybe they were witness to the last refill before they click HAHAHAHA and the best part is somewhere out there is a slice of pizza bigger than our the entire universe! Right? Right, ya’ll? HAHAHAHAHA CLAPCLAPCLAP click advice is to just live the best life you can and not worry about the end too much. We’ll never be able to predict when it’ll be our turn. But then, we knew all that before today, didn’t we?

Wear this shirt: and have a ball.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you’re Neil deGrasse Tyson. YOU TOOK PLUTO FROM US, YOU JERKFACE, YOU DON’T GET TO GLOAT

This shirt tells the world: “Intergalactic, Sanitary, Sanitary, Intergalactic.”

We call this color: Just Pop Some Silver In The Slot And Turn The Handle

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