1st place in Derby #102: Pressure, with 911 votes!

There you are, in school. You’ve just wrapped your head around how a letter can represent a number. Why didn’t they tell me that in the beginning? you’re thinking. And then you walk into that classroom and find out there’s this new thing called Geometry.

Shapes? Angles? One of the oldest forms of math? Then why wasn’t it ever mentioned before now?, you think, and rightly so. Why did all those teachers decide to save Geometry until the age when everyone’s giggling at the word “curve”? Who decided that Geometry would loom in the distance, growing larger by the year, until it suddenly and without warning exploded into our lives?

But what’s the alternative? Glad you asked. There’s a magical way to teach geometry. Even the ancient Egyptians knew it. You learn by doing, right? Why not have a bunch of fourth graders hauling stone blocks? Why not have second graders learning where to put that little window which will catch the sun on just the right day? Why not salute those leaving sixth graders by erecting a pyramid in their memory? After all, that’s practically why geometry was created! Don’t believe all that propaganda from the Greeks.

Just think, under the new system, all those hyper kids who always cause trouble would be asleep before sundown every night. Those out of shape kids who can’t stop eating would be sculpted like professional body builders. There’d always be an extra room where a club or a class could meet. There’d be a great sense of pride and accomplishment. Everyone would know their Geometry by heart. And, best of all, when the aliens come back, we’d look really cool from space.

Wear this shirt: to show you’re not a square. No. No, that’s what we’re sticking with. No, stop begging. Stop it! Are… are you crying? No, stop crying. Sigh. Okay, fine. You win. Wear this shirt when you’re hanging out with Particle Man. Are you happy? Are you happy now?

Don’t wear this shirt: if you’re still sensitive about the eruption of Krakatoa back in 1883.

This shirt tells the world: “I’ll tri anything once.”

We call this color: I Got Mrs. White For Math She’s So Mean

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