Warning: Deer Contains Mercury. Please Dispose Properly.
Sweet Christmas! It was how much? Listen, Blitzen, I understand you’re new to purchasing and all, but that’s a lot of money for one bulb! Yeah, sure the guy said it was going to last longer, but that’s his job! Yours is to save me money!
Look, I appreciate your vision, but you have to understand here, we’re not talking a 24/7 situation. We really only need this bulb to work from about 7:30pm until 6am on one single day a year. And it’s great we’ve got like 900 hours of potential usage on this bulb, but we’re just gonna change it out for a fresh one next December, no matter what.
Plus, and I know you know this but I’m just verbalizing it, we’re mostly working off the real time data from the Claus One satellite these days, as far as the traveling is concerned. Also consider that the lawyers got us grandfathered in, so we’re still working under the OSHA laws of 1831, which means there’s not even a general liability issue. Mostly, this is just window dressing at this point. You know I’m not trying to tell you how to do your job, I’m just saying, I mean, think short term on this one. Four for a dollar, and we’re covered on bulbs for the night.
Blitz, I’ll tell you what. Considering the season, let’s write this off as a learning experience for both of us, okay? Nobody’s on anybody’s naughty list this year, we’ll just table it and move forward. I’ll try to be more clear about our minimum needs and what I want from your department, and you’ll try to be sure you’re thinking about the bottom line. Okay? Okay. Hey, before you go, here’s a bag of magic corn. No, it’s cool, just a little bump before the big dance. Hey, we all got red noses tonight, you know what I’m sayin’? Ha ha, perfect. See you in harness for the pre-flight check after lunch.
Wear this shirt: when you go out on stage. You’ll sleigh ‘em.
Don’t wear this shirt: if your best friend works for a light bulb company and is already not getting a Christmas bonus because people aren’t buying enough light bulbs this year.
This shirt tells the world: “Dear Interested Customer: Thank you for writing us to suggest we make a ‘Woot Off The Wed Nosed Weindeer’ joke this holiday season. Rest assured your email will be kept on file in the ‘People Who Have Suggested That We Make A Woot Off The Wed Nosed Weindeer Joke’ folder for future consideration. we hope you’ll accept our apologies for this form letter, but there were simply too many of you to contact individually. Rest assured that all your suggestions were reviewed by our staff. Please don’t hesitate to contact us with any future questions or comments in future. All the best, Shirt.Woot.”
We call this color: There once was a man from Nantucket/Who for Xmas got only a bucket/He thought that was mean/so he called Kelly Green/the Thai hit man who worked out of Phuket.
Back to top
