1st place in Derby #220: HalloWoot! 2011, with 1392 votes!

You know that scarecrow that farmer Creggin’s got? I heard it comes alive at night and does stuff. SEMI-CREEPY STUFF!!

I heard it slipped into Old Lady Lisa’s house one night and took a three hour shower. In the morning, there was no hot water, and the drain was clogged with pumpkin bits. She said she was terrified! Or maybe she said she was frustrated. I forget which word she used.

Doctor Hansen says it broke into his office the other day and wrote itself a prescription, and then Arty said it broke into the pharmacy and filled its prescription, and then Mandy said it broke into her stationery store and stole pens and nice paper to leave lengthy, well-written apology notes at both the doctor’s office and the pharmacy, but NOT THE STATIONERY STORE!

Maxwell said it came into his house one night. And it made a bunch of long-distance phone calls from his land line, but here’s the thing: Maxwell’s land line’s been DEAD FOR TWO YEARS!

Rick, the bartender at Guthrie’s, says it comes in fifteen minutes after happy hour every night and demands the two-dollar jalapeno popper plate. And when Rick tells him it’s after 9 so the popper plate is now four dollars, the scarecrow sighs dejectedly and walks out. Rick says the sigh doesn’t sound echo-y or shriek-y or anything, but then again, it’s a walking, talking scarecrow, so anything it does is going to be kinda scary.

Wear this shirt: if you want to level the playing field. Get it, FIELD???

Don’t wear this shirt: with a cropped haircut. Get it, CROPS???

This shirt tells the world: “When a bird lands on me, I go on an’ brush my shoulders off.”

We call this color: As black as the crow is long.

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