Paul was just in here last week. Spring’s always my busiest season!

Okay, so last year we went with an eight point look. How did you like that? I remember you skipped the 10-point because you didn’t want to stand out to hunters. Were you able to successfully rut and find a mate?

Great!

Okay, so I wouldn’t go lower than eight then. Now, obviously it’s a new year, ladies are looking for something different, and you’ve got to prove your genes enable you to weather a tough winter and spend an inordinate amount of energy growing ornamental head gear.

Now let’s see; you’re a young buck but you’ve got a couple winters under your belt. You’re strong, quick, and fresh-faced. Let’s make a splash! I’m thinking 14-points.

I know, I know, it’s totally ostentatious! But that’s why it works, and you’ve definitely got the bone structure for it. Oh come on, take a chance! Look, if you want a real, legit shot at passing your genetic material on to some progeny with a REAL female, I’m talkin’ a doe with a tail white as snow and pencil-thin legs that go on for days, we need to go big. Any guy with a musk can hook up with some floozy who’s going to wander in front of a Subaru in a week; you want something better!

Yeah? You like? Great! Let’s get you washed and I’ll start putting some velvet on these implants. This is going to be a great Spring!

Wear this shirt: In the shower! Playing tennis! Swimming! Literally anywhere you’d wear you’d wear your natural antlers!

Don’t wear this shirt: In the woods. The deer are going to be mad when they see the secret’s out.

This shirt tells the world: “I have to keep up aDEERances. Heh? Get it? Ah, what do you know.”

We call this color: Canary Comb-Over

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