I’m Just Doing My Job

by ramyb


Printed to order

Ships in 1-2 business days.

Limit 15 per customer
  • Standard - Estimated delivery Jul 11 - Jul 14
  • Two-Day - Estimated delivery Jul 07
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There are seemingly random events in a species’ evolution that can propel them forward.

3rd place in Derby #216: Household Chores, with 963 votes!

No one can predict the future. And the past gives us the haughty perspective of gods as we watch events unfold with the certainty and knowledge of their consequences. But there are events that occur, sometimes deliberately and other times as consequences of the random chaos of our universe, that can propel individuals, societies, or even entire species forward. For mankind, an increased diet of meat allowed our brains to grow and develop at incredible rates, furthering our ability to use and create tools. With this knowledge we were able to anticipate and solve problems as we conquered the land, and no animal since has risen to our level of domination in the world.

For some, biology simply forbids it. The primitive brain structures of worms and most insects, for instance, allows only a finite amount of thinking power. For others, new obstacles have arisen to make their rise to dominance that much more impossible. I speak, of course, of dogs and vacuums.

For thousands of years dogs have lived at our sides, among our families, as trusted companions, hard-working helpers, and loyal protectors. But for the last few decades they have lived in fear of a monster lurking in our closets: the vacuum. Maybe it’s the noise. Maybe it’s the vibration through the floor. Maybe it’s the combination or some other factor we don’t yet know about. Actually, we’re pretty sure it’s the noise. Anyway, dogs freak the hell out at the sight of a vacuum cleaner.

And that weakness has allowed their nemesis, the common house cat, to rise to prominence. Unencumbered by fear or even basic interest in most things humans have in the home, the cat can move freely through the house even in times of cleaning. This gives it an evolutionary advantage over dogs, as it can seek out food while the dog is busy freaking out in the bedroom and howling at the Kirby.

Of course, none of it really matters since we spay and neuter them all these days anyway, but it’s more fun to think about than vacuuming.

Wear this shirt: While recording the seven minute intro to your 23-second YouTube video of your cat riding your robot vacuum.

Don’t wear this shirt: If you actually have a cat and a dog, because it’s just going to be covered in fur.

This shirt tells the world: “Why yes, I am single. What does that have to do with a bet your friend made with you?”

We call this color: Red rover red rover there’s pet hair all over.

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Pantone Colors:
White - 7401C - 143C - 471C - Cool Gray 11C - Black

Standard Brand:

  • Standard fit (slightly boxy, a little loose)
  • Fiber Content: 4.5 oz 100% Combed Ringspun Cotton
  • Manufactured In: Honduras/Nicaragua
  • Printed In: Carrollton, Texas, USA

Premium Brand:

  • Slimmer fit (if you like a looser fit, order one size up from your usual size)
  • Fiber Content: 4.2 oz 100% Combed Ringspun Cotton
  • Manufactured In: USA, Central America, Vietnam or Bangladesh
  • Printed In: Carrollton, Texas, USA

Sizing Chart:

Please check our sizing chart before you order.

Sales Stats

Speed to First Woot:
1m 17.000s
First Sucker:
Last Wooter to Woot:

Purchaser Experience

  • 0% first woot
  • 92% second woot
  • 8% < 10 woots
  • 0% < 25 woots
  • 0% ≥ 25 woots

Purchaser Seniority

  • 8% joined today
  • 1% one week old
  • 3% one month old
  • 23% one year old
  • 65% > one year old

Quantity Breakdown

  • 92% bought 1
  • 7% bought 2
  • 1% bought 3 or more

Percentage of Sales Per Hour

12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11

Percentage of Sales Per Day

Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun

Woots by State

zero wooters wootinglots of wooters wooting

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I’m Just Doing My Job by ramyb
$11.00 In Stock Apparel & Accessories
$11.00 $14.00 USD false 1 Retail EA
1 15
Woot! Shirt.Woot
4121 International Pkwy Carollton TX 75007 U.S.A.