Wouldn’t you know it? The ONE day all piñatas come magically to life this whole century and it just happens to fall on your little boy’s birthday party.

What’s going on? What are you all standing around for? Who’s screaming like they’re being beaten to death with a… Oh. Oh no. What have you done children? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?

Well? Is one of you little hooligans going to answer me? A piñata is screaming for mercy with its stomach busted out all over my back porch and you’re just not going to do anything?! What about you, you little punk? Yeah, you with the bat. Timmy or Jimmy or whatever your name is. Did you do this? Huh? Did your drunk of a father teach you that hitting things is the only way to get what you want? WELL HERE! Catch your blood candy! All of you, here you go, fistfuls of candy for the happy children, you wretched little monsters!

What’s this? You’re crying?! Oh, don’t cry for the screaming piñata NOW! It’s too late for him! Your tears can’t save him! Besides, you’ve gotten what you wanted, haven’t you? Candy, at all costs, even if it means a Papier-mâché creature has to DIE. I hope you’re all very proud of your AHA HA HA ha ha ha, I’m just messing with you, kids! See? Your Uncle Frank and I hid a speaker in the thing and he’s been screaming into a remote microphone over there behind the house! Now then, who wants cake and ice cream?

Wear this shirt: while you wonder if your co-workers might also be full of delicious candy on the inside.

Don’t wear this shirt: while visiting your papier-mâché grandparent in the hospital.

This shirt tells the world: “I don’t know if he’s going to make it. He’s lost a lot of chocolate and bubble gum.”

We call this color: Code Baby Blue

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