1st place in Derby #267: Double-Take Derby 18, with 498 votes!

Holmes closed his eyelids and steepled his fingers. The Duchess was about to speak but Watson silenced her with a gesture. Minutes passed, the room motionless save the guttering of the candle on the mantle and the nervous ticking of the Duchess's ring upon her brass-bound clutch. Suddenly, Holmes opened his eyes, stood up, and spoke.

"Your story is incomplete, your grace."

"Excuse me, Mr. Holmes?"

"You say that, upon hearing of the Duke's death, you boarded the first train to London and came directly here."

"Yes, precisely."

"Yet your skirts tell another tale entirely."

"Really, Holmes, she is a lady--" Watson began, but Holmes dismissed him with a wave of his hand.

"Your skirts are riddled - positively riddled - with Higgs bosons, your grace."

"Why, so they are."

"And, as I am sure you aware, the Higgs boson is responsible for the breaking of electroweak symmetry, which in England only occurs in Charing Cross. The earliest train from Surrey to London arrived at 11:15 at Paddington Station. Charing Cross does not lie on the path from Paddington Station to Baker street. Therefore, your story is either incomplete or false."

Wear this shirt: while smashing into another person at a velocity approaching the speed of light. 

Don't wear this shirt: and call yourself the "God Particle."

This shirt tells the world: "I'm hungry, who wants three moles of cheeseburger?"

We call this color: I Slate Too Much Greasy Food

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