Mars Madness

by Kyle Starks


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  • Standard - Estimated delivery Jun 09 - Jun 14
  • Two-Day - Estimated delivery Jun 07
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Our Picks for the Red Planet’s Annual Space Jam

Here it comes, Yzzvxxball fans: Mars Madness, the biggest sporting tournament of the season! We’re anticipating some thrilling action right from the opening Xyv-horn of the first game in the first round.

Requiring no cumbersome space suits to survive their own native atmosphere, the Xanthe Arachnoids enjoy a huge home-planet advantage over the Houston Astronauts. Sorry ‘Stros fans, but this one’s a blowout. Arachnoids win 362-2, and lay their eggs in the defeated Astronauts brains.

The Tyrrhena Warrior-Kings have been one of the toughest teams in the Solar System all season, and shouldn’t have too much trouble with the Ha-G’Loor-G’Luz Splash, making the long trip from Venus for their first appearance in the tourney. Splash head coach G’Lur G’Lyarz-Nar predicts his squad’s sulfuric acid bodies may gasify on Mars, making the competition extremely difficult for them. Warrior-Kings win by forfeit.

A struggling Elysium Little Greenmen team faces off against the Burning Plains Fightin’ Fazzwazzles in what promises to be one of the most exciting match-ups in the first round. These cross-conference rivals always seem to play their best against each other. This year, expect the Greenmen to eke out a hard-fought victory, 88-76.

Much has been made of the Mount Tharsis Mecha-Zorgs’ perfect record going into the tournament, but they haven’t faced a team as resilient, as disciplined and as psycho-resistant as the Lion People of Argyre. It remains to be seen whether the Mecha-Zorgs can find a way to win without the mind-control rays they’ve relied on all year. This is the big first-round upset: Lion People 72, Mecha-Zorgs 50.

In the second round, look for the entire tournament to end when Saturn’s assembled armies, led by Chok the Ruthless, descend on Mars to destroy the athletic facilities in retribution for last year’s poorly officiated championship game.

Wear this shirt: on your human torso, or any part of your anatomy with the approximate dimensions of a human torso.

Don’t wear this shirt: to Mercury, where the only sport is soccer, and they’re pretty obnoxious about letting you know.

This shirt tells the world: “Yzzvxxball: it’s awesome, space-baby!”

We call this color: Grasstroturf.

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Pantone Colors:
White - 106C - 032C- 306C - 349C - Black

Standard Brand:

  • Standard fit (slightly boxy, a little loose)
  • Fiber Content: 4.5 oz 100% Combed Ringspun Cotton
  • Manufactured In: Honduras/Nicaragua
  • Printed In: Carrollton, Texas, USA

Premium Brand:

  • Slimmer fit (if you like a looser fit, order one size up from your usual size)
  • Fiber Content: 4.2 oz 100% Combed Ringspun Cotton
  • Manufactured In: USA, Central America, Vietnam or Bangladesh
  • Printed In: Carrollton, Texas, USA

Sizing Chart:

Please check our sizing chart before you order.

Sales Stats

Speed to First Woot:
0m 44.000s
First Sucker:
Last Wooter to Woot:

Purchaser Experience

  • 0% first woot
  • 94% second woot
  • 6% < 10 woots
  • 0% < 25 woots
  • 0% ≥ 25 woots

Purchaser Seniority

  • 11% joined today
  • 1% one week old
  • 7% one month old
  • 38% one year old
  • 43% > one year old

Quantity Breakdown

  • 94% bought 1
  • 5% bought 2
  • 1% bought 3 or more

Percentage of Sales Per Hour

12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11

Percentage of Sales Per Day

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Woots by State

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Mars Madness by Kyle Starks
$11.00 In Stock Apparel & Accessories
$11.00 $14.00 USD false 1 Retail EA
1 15
Woot! Shirt.Woot
4121 International Pkwy Carollton TX 75007 U.S.A.