Quoth the raven, “Not so fast, Senator Valducci.”

You? You dare? You dare come here? You dare come here and confront me? You dare come here and confront me in this place? You dare come here and confront me in this place in front of my family? I thought we’d finished you.

But no matter. You’re just one bird. You can’t stop me. You can’t stop what I have planned. Which, incidentally, is a far reaching plan to take over this entire planet by using the recording industry to sue their customers so that the underground will embrace the various high-quality downloadable files I’ve made of my birdsong and play them constantly in bars, record stores and coffee shops, giving me a legal basis to claim everything as my territory under avian law. Here are some documents, in fact, proving everything I just said. I’m not scared of you seeing them because, as I said, you’re just one bird and you can’t stop me.

Okay, boys. I’m gonna get in this helicopter and go to my meeting with the recording industry. You go ahead and mow him down with your powerful machine guns which he couldn’t possibly dodge by going left, right or up. I’m sure he can’t escape, no matter how many times he’s done it before. Oh, and attach this extra long easy-to-grab cable to the bottom of my helicopter, too. No reason, I just think it looks cool.

Wear this shirt: with other people wearing this shirt. Then call the police and report a murder. Then tell them, technically, more than one crow is called a murder and grin smugly. The bruises will probably heal and a good lawyer should be able to get you some money!

Don’t wear this shirt: and think it will give you mystical Ghost Dance powers or something. It’s just a freakin’ shirt.

This shirt tells the world: “You broke the cardinal rule.”

We call this color: E-Lemon-ate Him… For Good.

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