The old version is terrible.

I love super hero stories. They're so great. Good versus evil, you know? It's really uplifting.

"Oh sure, the modern versions, maybe. But the old Greek myths they're based on? No way! That stuff's way dark."

Really? I didn't know that super hero stories were based on Greek myths. 

"Yeah, they all are. Like, Captain America? It's based on this guy Captain Greece. Except Captain Greece isn't the wholesome character that his American counterpart is. Besides fighting evil, he also fights with his family a lot."

Oh no! Why?

"Well, he's all ticked off at his wife, Zynthia, because she gives birth to a son and he comes out half-man, half-horse."

Wha??? How???

"You see, Zynthia cheated on him with Tremcules, the god of animal husbandry. So Captain Greece, he's not super happy about that. So he builds this maze in his basement and makes his son push a giant stone through it for the rest of his life, or that's the plan, but his son escapes in this flying machine he builds himself. Except it has wax wings and they melt because he gets too close to the sun, and so he falls into the Underworld where he is set on fire and made to dance for the pleasure for Hades for the rest of eternity."

Yeesh!

"As for Captain Greece's wife, he punishes her by cooking her alive into a stew, which he eats with his mother, who, by the way, he's totally crushing on…"

His own mom??

"Yep! Anyway, so they go together to…"

NO! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANY MORE!

"Fine, live in the sugar-coated present if you want. But this is where it all comes from, man!"

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