Monkey Bars

by Ian Leino

$15.00
$18.00 17% off List Price

Printed to order.

Ships in 3-5 business days

Grass
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We’re Too Busy Drinkin’ To Put Anybody Down

After a long, hard day of dominance displays and picking lice from your skin, you deserve a little refresher.

So a chimpanzee, a macaque, and a baboon walk into a monkey bar. The bartender says to the macaque and the baboon, “I’ll serve you guys, but not your friend.” They ask why not and he goes, “We don’t allow apes in here. Monkeys only.” So the chimp goes outside, ties himself into a knot, musses his hair, and comes back in and orders a drink. The bartender goes “Aren’t you that chimpanzee I just threw out of here?” The chimp goes, “Nope, I’m a frayed knot!”

Then all three primates attack the bartender and drive him out of the bar in a terrifying display of inter-species solidarity. Realizing their power, they decide to unite all lesser primates in an uprising against their human masters. Then they get drunk and forget the whole thing. Which is what we’re going to do after writing this dreck.

Wear this shirt: the next time you go out drinking with Curious George, Chim-Chim, and Beppo.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you’ve just crash-landed on an eerily Earthlike planet run by intelligent, literate apes. Especially if they’re straight-edge.

This shirt tells the world: “Get lost, kid. I’m drinking here.”

We call this color: Grass Monkey, That Greenish Monkey.

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Features

Pantone Colors:
Cool Gray 1C - 108C- 7532C - 369C- 412C - 467C

Features:
• Fiber Content: 4.5 oz 100% Combed Ringspun Cotton
• Manufactured In: Honduras/Nicaragua
• Printed In Carrollton, Texas, USA
• These shirts are printed to order. That means most of the time, we'll be printing using DTG technology

Sizing Chart:
Please check our sizing chart before you order.

Sales Stats

Speed to First Woot:
0m 35.000s
First Sucker:
DangerMouse9
Last Wooter to Woot:
amorgan6513

Purchaser Experience

  • 0% first woot
  • 93% second woot
  • 7% < 10 woots
  • 0% < 25 woots
  • 0% ≥ 25 woots

Purchaser Seniority

  • 9% joined today
  • 1% one week old
  • 5% one month old
  • 39% one year old
  • 46% > one year old

Quantity Breakdown

  • 93% bought 1
  • 6% bought 2
  • 1% bought 3 or more

Percentage of Sales Per Hour

11%
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9%
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9%
6%
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Percentage of Sales Per Day

1%
1%
96%
1%
0%
1%
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Woots by State

zero wooters wootinglots of wooters wooting

Top Comments

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Top Comments are discussion forum posts we have deemed worthy of your time. Listen, we get a lot of comments, and most of the time, it's pretty forgettable stuff; but sometimes you rise to the top like butterfat in milk. We don't recommend you base your self-worth on how often we feature your comments, but we don't expressly forbid it either.

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Monkey Bars by Ian Leino
$15.00 In Stock Apparel & Accessories
$15.00 USD false 1 Retail EA
1 15
Woot! Shirt.Woot
4121 International Pkwy Carollton TX 75007 U.S.A.