2nd place in Derby #264: Your Third and Final Wish, Editors' Choice.

This is a TRUE STORY, with REAL PEOPLE.

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A 50-something year old white woman wearing totally racist clothing arrived at her seat on a crowded flight only to find she would be sitting next to a penguin. Disgusted, she complained to the flight attendant and demanded a new seat.

"Let me see if we have an appropriate seating arrangement," said the flight attendant, very careful not to indicate whose seat - the woman's or the penguin's - would change (more on that later). She went away to go check, and when she came back, reported that there were no more seats left in economy. "But there may be a seat in first class, so let me go talk to the captain."

Ten minutes later, she returned. "It turns out we do have something available in first class. And while it is not our policy to upgrade a person's seat, I would hate to see someone have to suffer through a flight next to an unpleasant person." Then, before the white woman (who everyone in the airplane HATED because she stood for all that was wrong in the world) could say anything, the flight attendant turned to the penguin and said, "So, Mr. Penguin, please gather you things and follow me away from this unpleasant person into first class."

Everyone applauded and cheered!

And then later, when they were in the air, and people started getting hungry, they decided to eat the 50-something year old white woman instead of the complimentary peanuts.

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Wear this shirt: while flying to Antarctica.

Don't wear this shirt: if you see the world as simply black and white.

This shirt tells the world: "I always request a window seat."

We call this color: flights always leave slate.

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