3rd place in Derby #88: Music, with 1004 votes!

When Chopin died, they cut out his heart and put it in a jar of brandy. This was probably because Chopin was a vampire, or maybe it was because he really liked brandy. You can’t really blame him either way, as brandy is delicious and being a vampire is a lot of fun. Whoa, sorry, probably shared too much there.

The next time you listen to a beautiful piece of piano playing, and it feels like there are butterflies over your heart, think about the magically animated corpse of Chopin that would even now be feeding on spectators in the concert halls of the world without the quick thinking of a certain doctor and a certain bartender. And that mental image should help to keep you awake for a bit longer. No one wants you snoring at the recital, you uncouth savage. And put on a tie.

Wear this shirt: when you’re in the kitchen, preparing food.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you didn’t get that last joke. Just think a little. C’mon, it’s not that hard. What do you do when you prepare food?

This shirt tells the world: “I’m quite the cut up!” That’s a hint. Do you get it yet? No, don’t give up, it’s easy, c’mon. Think about preparing food.

We call this color: Yeah, yeah, we call it Lemon, now keep guessing. How can you not have guessed this? When you’re preparing food you’re… choppin’! Yeah, see? It’s obviou- what do you mean, “not even slightly funny”?

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