Move over, dinos! Now there’s somethin’ meteor!

In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth. And it was kind of a pain because He couldn’t see what He was doing, so He said “let there be light,” and there was light. And God saw the light, that it was good; and God divided the light from the darkness. Which, don’t ask us exactly how that went down. You’re not really supposed to read this stuff literally.

Anyway, later on God said “let the waters under the heaven be gathered together unto one place, and let the dry land appear,” and it was so. And God called the dry land Earth, and the gathering together of the waters called he Seas; and God saw that it was good, especially Nova Scotia. “I’m really proud of how Nova Scotia turned out,” He said to no one in particular. “It will be a nice place for whale-watching tours someday.”

Then God said “let there be dinosaurs,” and there were all kinds of dinosaurs; there were ones with sails on their backs and there were big long-necked ones, and water ones, and flying ones, and little scary ones that ran around biting everything, although not all these kinds showed up at the same time. Actually, there were millions of years between them, but time is basically meaningless to God; He’s like a guy we work with in that way. And God saw that the dinosaurs were good.

But eventually He got tired of them, because pretty much all you can do with dinosaurs is make them fight. Which, don’t get us wrong, that is super fun, and He got a lot of mileage out of that. He would maketh them to fight on the edges of volcanoes, and in huge battles royale, and He would maketh dinosaur noises all the while, and it was totally bitchin’. But everything gets old if you do it long enough, so God said “if I want My terrarium to be any more complex, I’m gonna need to clear some space for mammals. Maybe I’ll even get some hominids with, like, culture and stuff.”

So God said “let some asteroids rain out of the sky and create mass extinctions,” and it was so. And He said “whhssshhhh! PKKSSSHHH! PkOOOMMM!” And it was a pretty huge disaster for a while, with smoke and ash everywhere and lakes of fire, and dead dinos and everything. But God didn’t care, because His whole thing is making messes, not cleaning them up.

Wear this shirt: to communicate your apathy to two teachers (biology and Sunday school) without having to wash two shirts.

Don’t wear this shirt: several sizes too big, without pants. That’s God’s signature look. You know, for Einstein, physics was a way to “know God’s thoughts.” Paleontology is apparently a way to look up His nightgown.

This shirt tells the world: “I’m just a slob. Y’know, one of us.”

We call this color: Wiped White Off The Face Of The Earth.

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