3rd place in Derby #69: Miniature Worlds, with 952 votes!
“Is that a little T. Rex in your pocket?” she asked—“or are you just happy to see me?”
“What, this pocket?” Graham asked. “My t-shirt pocket?”
“Yeah,” she said. “Is that a baby dinosaur you’ve got in there? Or or you just excited to—”
“First
of all,” Graham interrupted, observably annoyed, “that doesn’t make any
sense. The pocket referred to by that particular cliche must be located
in the pants. Or possibly a bathrobe.
“Are you
totally ignorant of the physiologic effects of lust? In your
experience, when you have entered into intimate relations with men, do
you commonly observe pectoral tumescence as a response to sexual
stimuli?”
“It was just a joke,” she said. “Because you’ve got a dino-”
”’Just a joke!’” Graham shot back. “The joke
is your utter ignorance of human anatomy, male sexuality, and basic
mini-dino handling standards! The Tyrannosaur boasts one of the most
powerful bite pressure ratings of any beast ever to walk the Earth!
What kind of a fool would let such jaws anywhere near his nethers?
“One carries a tiny T. Rex in one’s shirt
pocket, my dear, far from the pubic region where the priapic phenomenon
referred to in your so-called ‘joke’ manifests! To ferry a miniature T.
Rex in one’s trousers, a person would have to be an imbecile! And I
assure you, madam, that I AM NOT AN IMBICILE!”
And,
made anxious by Graham’s upraised voice, the tiny dinosaur burrowed
into his shirt pocket and bit him, hard, on the nipple, causing
excruciating pain.
This shirt was designed by: James Cho, the
man, the myth, designer of shirts, darling of the voters, leaver-up of
the toilet seat, champion of the people, hero of the Internet,
lovemaker, baby-shaker, guy who we’re pretty sure ate our corn chips
without asking.
Wear this shirt: with a yellow cardigan; that’ll look smart.
Don’t wear this shirt: to any lab where they’re re-engineering extinct reptiles from fossil DNA. No good can come of it.
This shirt tells the world: “I’m planning to go away.”
We call this color: Jur-Grass-ic Park
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