1st place in Derby #140: Things That Start With the Letter S, with 1053 votes!

I know it’s silly for me to write these letters into the back flesh of my prisoners. It’s not like you’ll ever see them, especially after I let the orcs destroy their bodies. It’s just that I have so many feelings I need to get out, you know? Seeing these words burned into the skin of my enemies helps me cope.

Do you even miss me? I wonder sometimes. I overheard one of the Uruk-hai talking yesterday about how you’re with a hobbit now and I got SO JEALOUS, I had him tortured with sharp sticks and fire for hours until he gave up the will to live. It’s not like I didn’t KNOW about the hobbit, but to just hear it like that… It hurt. I’ll admit it. It really did. I can only hope you’re only using that hairy-footed oaf as a means to come back to me. Every night, I gaze out on the realm hoping for a sign.

You know, ever since you were cut from my hand so many years ago, I just feel like there’s a piece of me missing, like I can never be truly whole until you’re here with me again. Those other rings meant nothing to me, you know. You? You are my One Ring 4eva. Come home soon.

XOXO Your Lovin’ Dark Lord

Wear this shirt: during a picnic in Mordor.

Don’t wear this shirt: around a jealous Nazgûl.

This shirt tells the world: “One Ring to get milkshakes with, One Ring for cuddles, One Ring to hold hands with and snuggle, snuggle, snuggle!”

We call this color: There And Black Again

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