Tastes Like Excel

by Jack Malster, a.k.a. Slow Decay


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  • Standard - Estimated delivery Jul 10 - Jul 13
  • Two-Day - Estimated delivery Jul 06
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Pie A Yellow Ribbon Round The Old Oak Tree

“Jenkins, let me ask you a question. This is your first time in the executive lunchroom, is it not?”

“Yes, sir, it is. The pork shoulder was just heavenly.”

“Splendid, splendid. Glad you liked it. Well, it seems the third quarter of the meal is coming up, what do our projections say about dessert?”

“Well, sir, it seems that the boys downstairs are telling us that cherry is trending low, still above lime, but no where near as high as sweet potato.”

“Sweet potato, eh?”

“Yes, sir. Forecasts are that in the fourth quarter of the meal, sweet potato will be seeing a drastic jump. We’re still anticipating the traditional rise in coffee, just as always, but we think that as far as desert goes, sweet potato will be the position to be in, and as soon as possible.”

Waiter, can I get a slice of sweet potato, please?

“Blast! Well, you did try to warn me, Jenkins. No one to blame but myself, eh? Still, this is a good place to be. Let’s you and I go fifty-fifty on sweet potato and then plan to move to scrambled eggs just before the close. That will leave us in a good long-term position for morning and should keep steady until lunch. Excellent work, Jenkins, m’boy. We’re expecting good things from you. See you at breakfast!”

“Yes, sir! Thank you, sir!”

This shirt was designed by: Jack Malster, a.k.a. Slow Decay. He’s from the United Kingdom, where pie was first discovered, just before four and twenty blackbirds showed up. You guys really tried some freaky things to avoid using corn syrup, didn’t you?

Wear this shirt: if you’re a piper. Just kick it around a little, you’ll figure it out.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you have the kind of friends who will say “Hey, you got a little pie right there” and then do that thing where they hit your nose when you look. Stupid jerkface friends. No wonder Kafka lived alone.

This shirt tells the world: “Caution, Filling Will Be Hot!”

We call this color: Remove When Brown, Allow To Cool Before Eating

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Pantone Colors:
Black - 467C - 465C - 150C - 207C - 347C

Standard Brand:

  • Standard fit (slightly boxy, a little loose)
  • Fiber Content: 4.5 oz 100% Combed Ringspun Cotton
  • Manufactured In: Honduras/Nicaragua
  • Printed In: Carrollton, Texas, USA

Premium Brand:

  • Slimmer fit (if you like a looser fit, order one size up from your usual size)
  • Fiber Content: 4.2 oz 100% Combed Ringspun Cotton
  • Manufactured In: USA, Central America, Vietnam or Bangladesh
  • Printed In: Carrollton, Texas, USA

Sizing Chart:

Please check our sizing chart before you order.

Sales Stats

Speed to First Woot:
1m 51.000s
First Sucker:
Last Wooter to Woot:

Purchaser Experience

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  • 94% second woot
  • 6% < 10 woots
  • 0% < 25 woots
  • 0% ≥ 25 woots

Purchaser Seniority

  • 7% joined today
  • 2% one week old
  • 7% one month old
  • 42% one year old
  • 42% > one year old

Quantity Breakdown

  • 94% bought 1
  • 5% bought 2
  • 1% bought 3 or more

Percentage of Sales Per Hour

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Tastes Like Excel by Jack Malster, a.k.a. Slow Decay
$11.00 In Stock Apparel & Accessories
$11.00 $14.00 USD false 1 Retail EA
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4121 International Pkwy Carollton TX 75007 U.S.A.