1st place in Derby #98: Famous Quotations Illustrated, with 1221 votes!

Muhahaha. Muhahaha. I’m such a clever dark power. Muhahahaha. This apple will bring about the downfall of God’s favorite creation. Muhahahaha. When the woman eats of it, she’ll awaken to a new… wait… wait, get away from there, squirrel… no, don’t take a bite of… oh, crap. Well, great job, squirrel, now you’ve got the forbidden knowledge of good and evil. Yes, yes, we all know you’re naked, no one else cares. Do you know how long it takes me to create a magic apple made of sin? Okay, fine, take this one back to your mate, it’s ruined anyway. I’ll just start again. What? Just use a fig leaf or something, I don’t care about you. I’m not trying to corrupt the souls of squirrels. Get lost.

Okay, then. Take two. Muhahaha. Muhahahahaha. With this second apple, I’ll tempt the woman and then… no, wait, worm, don’t, don’t you dare… oh. Oh, I can’t believe it. Yes, worm, you’re naked too. Everyone’s naked. That’s what this apple does, it wakes you up to reality. No, worm, they don’t make tiny fig leaves to cover… what do you have to cover, anyway? And what’s that noise? Oh, it’s just the angel with the flaming sword, kicking the squirrel family out of paradise. Worm, that’s you next, you’d better enjoy it now. Listen, I don’t have time to talk. Thankfully, I’ve got another apple that I can use to… wait, is that a fruit fly? No, wait, don’t take a bite of… aw, CRAP! Why did I ever quit my last job, anyway?

Wear this shirt: to keep doctors away. Stop calling, Colin Baker, we don’t have any work for you.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you ever find a pretty young woman in the woods. She won’t mind the shirt personally, but those dwarves of hers will remember that you had it on, and when the manslaughter charges start flying you won’t be in a good position.

This shirt tells the world: “What manner of devil tree is this?”

We call this color: Today’s Special: Apple Brown Betty (Made With Fresh Betty)

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