The Owliminator

by Evan Yarbrough


Printed to order

Ships in 1-2 business days.

Royal Blue
Limit 15 per customer
  • Standard - Estimated delivery Jun 08 - Jun 13
  • Two-Day - Estimated delivery Jun 06
add to cart

Owl at the Moon

For fans of surgically enhanced hooters

In 1989, scientists at the Hamilton Ontario Organization for Technical Research (or HOOTR) were charged with determining the average number of licks required to reach the chewy center of a popular brand of lollipop. The experiment they designed would employ a medium-sized population of lab owls, each of whom would be given a sample of the sucker and then consulted for their opinion.

According to Dr. Waylon Pendersnit, a researcher who worked on the project, HOOTR was unique in using owls for its research.

“Most labs would use rats or mice,” Pendersnit said. “And there are some benefits there. First of all, rats are a lot more interested in suckers than owls are. But we could find no rodent species with the innate wisdom we were relying on for our experiment to work. Plus we’d already bought a bunch of mortarboard caps for the subjects, and they would have been way too big for rats.”

Everyone agrees that the experiment went horribly awry when the late Dr. Heinrich Messer convinced the team that, instead of using a large group of different owls for one or two consultations each, they should build a single, technologically enhanced super-owl they could use for as many consultations as needed. This owl would be tougher, longer-lived, would have greatly increased maneuverability and firepower, and would speak to the researchers through a neural translator in twelve languages.

“I don’t know why we listened to the late Dr. Messer,” Waylon Pendersnit would later observe. “I mean, the guy didn’t have his act together at all. The main thing I remember about him was that he was late. Yeah, we should have listened to the punctual Dr. Todd Cohen. He was much better organized. And he warned us not to do it.”

Unfortunately, Dr. Cohen’s admonitions went unheeded. Once endowed with superior strength, speed and intellect, the owl quickly broke free from its restraints, killed three of its handlers, stole the data they’d collected, and disappeared into the forest, where it established a secret base from which to launch reprisal operations against all those who dare to tinker with nature.

Wear this shirt: to freak the bejeezis out of your hamsters.

Don’t wear this shirt: over to Alan Moore’s house and tell him this is how the Nite Owl looked in the movie.

This shirt tells the world: “Owl be back.”

We call this color: Roy-owl Bl-who, but we’re not proud of it.

Back to top


Pantone Colors:
148C - 128C- 185C - 325C

Standard Brand:

  • Standard fit (slightly boxy, a little loose)
  • Fiber Content: 4.5 oz 100% Combed Ringspun Cotton
  • Manufactured In: Honduras/Nicaragua
  • Printed In: Carrollton, Texas, USA

Premium Brand:

  • Slimmer fit (if you like a looser fit, order one size up from your usual size)
  • Fiber Content: 4.2 oz 100% Combed Ringspun Cotton
  • Manufactured In: USA, Central America, Vietnam or Bangladesh
  • Printed In: Carrollton, Texas, USA

Sizing Chart:

Please check our sizing chart before you order.

Sales Stats

Speed to First Woot:
0m 12.000s
First Sucker:
Last Wooter to Woot:

Purchaser Experience

  • 0% first woot
  • 95% second woot
  • 5% < 10 woots
  • 0% < 25 woots
  • 0% ≥ 25 woots

Purchaser Seniority

  • 13% joined today
  • 2% one week old
  • 7% one month old
  • 42% one year old
  • 36% > one year old

Quantity Breakdown

  • 95% bought 1
  • 4% bought 2
  • 1% bought 3 or more

Percentage of Sales Per Hour

12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11

Percentage of Sales Per Day

Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun

Woots by State

zero wooters wootinglots of wooters wooting

Top Comments

What are Top Comments?

Top Comments are discussion forum posts we have deemed worthy of your time. Listen, we get a lot of comments, and most of the time, it's pretty forgettable stuff; but sometimes you rise to the top like butterfat in milk. We don't recommend you base your self-worth on how often we feature your comments, but we don't expressly forbid it either.

join the discussion (99 comments)
The Owliminator by Evan Yarbrough
$11.00 In Stock Apparel & Accessories
$11.00 $14.00 USD false 1 Retail EA
1 15
Woot! Shirt.Woot
4121 International Pkwy Carollton TX 75007 U.S.A.