We’re tired of people cherry-picking their quotes.

Yes, Edward Bulwer-Lytton did say, “The pen is mightier than the sword,” but that’s not all he said. In fact, this famous adage was taken not from a treatise on the power of literature, but from an essay in which Bulwer-Lytton hoped establish, as he put it, “a definitive hierarchy of all hold-able objects.” Here is the extended quote, to give you some idea of the context:

“The pen is mightier than the sword, at least as a writing utensil. A sword is way too big and heavy to write with. You can’t even fit the tip into an ink well. And it has sharp edges, so you’ll hurt your fingers.

“BUT, the pencil is mightier than the pen, because it can admit its mistakes. And who doesn’t like a guy who can admit his mistakes?

“BUT, the paper clip is mightier than the pencil, in terms of holding stuff together that is. And also, because you can twist it into hilarious shapes. You have to be really good at twisting stuff to twist pencils. Like my cousin, Craig. Guy’s a friggin’ wizard. Twisted a pencil into an origami crane once. Seriously, never seen anything like it.

“BUT, the baton is mightier than the paper clip, because you can lead a marching band with a baton. If you tried to lead a marching band with a paper clip, nobody in the back would be able to see it, so they’d just be like, why’s that guy shaking his hand around in the air so much?

“BUT, to be clear, the sword is mightier than all these things if you’re in battle. I mean, c’mon! Who fights with a stupid baton?!”

Wear this shirt: to a metaphorical comparison contest.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you’re a fencing instructor. Your students will be like, “Then why the heck did I buy all this gear if I coulda just bought a pen?”

This shirt tells the world: “I take my idioms visually, thank you very much.”

We call this color: silver like the blade of a pen! Oh, wait…

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